So Thursday afternoon, the train was a bit crowded headed back north for home. I was late at work and the day was a bit crazy, so it wasn't until the 6:05 local route that I was able to get aboard and start the journey.
With it being close to the holidays and all, I thought maybe this train wouldn't be as crowded as its 5:20 ad 5:34 counterparts.
Not so fast, my friends.
The train was in fact packed, which led to people standing in the aisles. And not for nothing, and this is happened on 3 consecutive occasions, but when the train is packed and there are no seats, and you people continue to wander through the car looking for seats that aren't there, why is it that when you have to stop and decide, "OK, I think I'll park my ass right here and stand," even when no one else in that part of the train is doing likewise yet, that you plant your ass right next to where I'm sitting? Your ass doesn't interest me!
But this got taken to a whole new level on Thursday. The woman that was standing in the aisle next to my seat was also carrying on a conversation of sorts with a guy sitting in the same row but on the opposite side of the aisle from me. They were part talking and part signing, so it was kind of hard to tell what was going on (I saw three people carrying on a sign language conversation on the Metro the other day and wondered how you could tell who was interrupting). Anyway ... the woman who was parked in the aisle kept shuffling around, looking for a place to get comfortable. I thought about offering her my seat, but then that would have inconvenienced the poor chap who was already caught sitting between the two people in the conversation. (Ideally, that dude should have switched seats with me, and then I could have traded with the woman for a player to be named later).
Anyhow, in her desire to get comfortable, the woman decided she was going to sit/squat in the aisle. Yeah, that didn't work. There's a reason why wide loads don't take one-lane roads. So, the story ends with the woman going to squat/sit/whatever she was doing, and sitting pretty much right in my lap. At first, I'm not even sure she realized what she had done. But you're in the aisle! If you sit down on something, you fucked up!
She jumped up and immediately apologized and I'm like, "yeah, that's fine." I really wasn't in the mood to call any more attention to the incident than necessary. It was a hell of a way to wake up, however, from my half-hearted attempt at sleep on the ride home.
Course, I guess this gives "ride home" a whole new meaning.
MDR
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Oh, Lordie Lordie, the People - They Crazy.
A roundup of the last few days, where there's been no shortage of materials. I think people get even crazier now that it's the holiday season. And they were already off the ledge.
Here we go:
1. Confessions of a Coroner
* It's not all that unusual when riding the MARC at 6:30 in the morning that you are going to hear some details about someone's job. A lot of the same people ride every day, or people ride with their friends, or what the hell ever, so you hear what some people do for a living from time to time. But on Monday, that went to a whole new level when I took a seat and across from me diagonally was a well-dressed gentleman, maybe in his 50s, and some other folks who it appeared he knew from at least riding the train every day. Anyway, this person was also the conductor of the conversation as it were, and he'd even brought like 8 copies of the paper with him, and offered me one. That's cool.
It would turn out later that I would need it to try and feign a lack of attention for what he was talking about. Turns out, dude is like a coroner or an embalmer or some such thing. I really didn't know you had to be dressed so well for such work, but anyway. And he was tall, like 6-6. I ain't short, and I looked short next to this dude. Course, he works with dead people all day. If you're gonna be 6 feet in the hole, I guess Kerri Strug would look tall. But anyway, he went on about some of the people he'd seen (dead people mind you) in various states. All bloodied up, torn up, pulled apart, what have you. It was quite a rampage for 6:40 or so in the morning. Later, he was talking about all his various girlfriends. I'm thinking, wait, there are embalmer groupies? The whole conversation was kind of surreal. I happened to see the guy again in the Metro today, and he didn't recognize me. I guess that's a good thing - because if this guy sees you more than once, chances are you're probably dead.
2. I Don't Care Nunna About Yo Baby-Daddy
* Look, I don't look like someone that should be on TV. I have bad hair, not a great face, a pot belly and the nicest thing I've been associated with regarding my looks was having a little kid in Springfield Mall once ask me for my autograph because he thought I was Curt Schilling - as if Curt Schilling would be walking around Springfield Mall during the season with a Cubs hat on - but anyway. But you know who I really don't look like? Maury, that's who. Maybe you've seen Maury a time or two in your life. Basically, he does the same show every day, which is to use some drive-through DNA/Bail Bonds joint to determine who the father of various kids are because the mothers are distraught at not knowing, or they slept with so many guys, they couldn't possibly know. And as an aside, there needs to be a "special" Maury, where one guy ends up being the father of all the kids of the 6 different women they bring out. That would be epic.
Anyhow, I was resting comfortably in my seat this morning and that's when a woman and 2 others sat in the general area, with the woman next to me. Now, nevermind that they were separated, they were going to carry their conversation on anyway. She proceeded to talk about this and that regarding her, some dude, some kids who couldn't get into a house or something, and the guy wouldn't get off a couch to let them in some other house, and then there was some other person in the hospital, and he vomited a lot but was gaining weight (I'd advise folks to stay away from whatever hospital that was), and on and on and on.
Again, in situations such as public transportation, especially overcrowded public transportation, you are sometimes going to get personal details. But even if you are riding the train with your friends, be a little more discreet 'bout your business. It's not that we want to listen, and it's not that we care - but you're not giving us much choice but to listen when you're the only one on the whole train we can hear!
3. Metro Needs a Helping Hand
* Well, the fare hikes are approved for Metro and go into affect on January 6. You can go to www.wmata.com and read all about them. I swear, if they were asking for any more money and such, Sally Struthers would be walking through the Gallery Place station with some little kid stealing hash browns from strangers (and yes, I saw someone eating hash browns on the Metro this morning, but anyway). Seriously, they are trying to protect against a shortfall and "maintain their level of service." Lemme axe ya this. What do you think their normal level of service is now? It's crap! It's not Scottish, it's Crap! Just today, one train was too overcrowded for anyone to board, the next one broke down, and the next one couldn't go more than 17 feet without stopping. I seriously was waiting for lava or some such thing to come shooting up into the train and kill us all. And everybody was in a bad mood this morning, too. I'm surprised there wasn't a full-out brawl. That's going to happen one of these days, just you watch.
Because, you know, Metro is "maintaining their level of service." ... You know what, Metro should be run by the mafia. They wouldn't put up with this bullshit day after day. The minute after some made guy is stuck in a tunnel for 10 minutes while the tracks go up in smoke? Yeah, shit would change. But no, we're stuck with the 10 Ewoks and wookiee that run the damn show now, lining their pockets with more of your hard-earned money while they take more and more time getting you to and from the place where you earn that money. Fucking geniuses.
4. Our American Youth are Hopeless, and the Country Will Fall into Karjackhistani Hands Within 20 Years
* Seriously folks, we're fucking doomed. Monday afternoon, I got on to the Metro at the usual spot to start the long journey home. It's a 12-stop ride for me to get to the next part of the deal, about 24 minutes on a day where Metro doesn't fuck it up, which we like to call, Sunday. Anyway, about 3 stops in, 3 girls get aboard. They are anywhere from 13 to 16 years old probably. Upon entering the car that I'm in (of course, right), one of them proclaims, "I'monna walk on here like I'm the shit and I'monna talk like I'm the shit because I am the shit and you better deal with it."
Umm, OK. First of all, you had to wonder how that made her two little friends feel. I mean, if this self-professed attention whore was the "Shit," what were they, little farts? I mean, in the movies, it wasn't the One Great Musketeers plus 2 fuckers with little swords. The A-Team wasn't one dude that did all the work and 3 other fuckers eating bon-bons. So where did this girl get off proclaiming that she was the "Shit," at the expense of the other two? The other two didn't argue the point, though, I think they have self-esteem issues, or maybe they were paid off. Meanwhile, the three then proceeded to yell and scream about Cam Neely knows what for the rest of the trip. When they left the train at Metro Center, everybody clapped.
And this, THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ... is the future of our country. These are people that in a few years will be voting, driving, the works. You think this country is fucked up now? Wait 10 years. Some country that hasn't even been invented yet, like Karjackhistan, will rise up and invade and there won't be a Cam Neely thing we can do about it, because all the smart people will be too old and brittle to care and the young people will be running around proclaiming themselves to be the "Shit," while Damascus burns.
I hope I'm around to see that actually.
And now a bonus entry! Because we love our reader(s):
5. Old Woman Better Step Off
* You know, look. I'm sure there is a reason why Federal workers have a reputation for being lazy. And just like any other profession, I'm sure there are Federal workers who are lazy. But as I was walking to my afternoon MARC train yesterday at Union Station, I passed by two older women who were trudging along, obviously pissed off at the world and what it had done to them. I mean, not to be brutal, but the ugly stick carried a multi-season winning streak over these two. ... Anyway, one was going on and on about something and as I passed them (which wasn't hard as they were moving slower than me toward a dance floor), I caught wind of what the one was on about.
"All these stupid-ass Federal workers. It doesn't matter what time they come in, they all leave at 4:30. Then they crowd the 5:20 train and make it so some of us can't get home. Bunch of lazy-ass bastards. Then MARC panders to them by adding a new Express training, so we can get all of these little Federal darlings home while the rest of us who actually work are screwed."
I don't think I heard what she said next, as I was somewhat under my breath perhaps maybe somewhat possibly muttering OK I said Fuck you as I walked by. First of all, the number of people that actually get turned away from boarding a train when they are on time to meet it before it leaves is remarkably small. So no one is keeping Ms. Precious from getting on the train. Do you have to stand on occasion? Sure, we all do. Bite the bullet, Francis. But to go on and on and classify an entire group of people as you did, when some of those folks are involved in jobs doing tasks that you wouldn't be caught dead doing ... well, hell, you can fuck off in my book. I do a lot of work every day, and I'm proud of it. Do I put my nose to the grindstone for all 8.5 hours? Hell no. And no one else does, either. Not Feds, not contractors, not anyone. Certainly not Ms. Precious. She probably has a well-paying job sitting in the third floor of some swank office building watching the cars rust. But hey, someone's gotta do that, I guess.
I think it was the whole "Federal Darlings" part of the comment that really pissed me off. Though I am going to add it to my list of fake band names ... right up there with Rolling Midget Army of Nepal.
I don't think Federal Darlings will sell a lot of records, though. After all, we'd all be too lazy to write any songs, wouldn't we? Fucking genius.
Stay safe on the rails, and if you hear or see something stupid - laugh.
Signed,
MDR
Here we go:
1. Confessions of a Coroner
* It's not all that unusual when riding the MARC at 6:30 in the morning that you are going to hear some details about someone's job. A lot of the same people ride every day, or people ride with their friends, or what the hell ever, so you hear what some people do for a living from time to time. But on Monday, that went to a whole new level when I took a seat and across from me diagonally was a well-dressed gentleman, maybe in his 50s, and some other folks who it appeared he knew from at least riding the train every day. Anyway, this person was also the conductor of the conversation as it were, and he'd even brought like 8 copies of the paper with him, and offered me one. That's cool.
It would turn out later that I would need it to try and feign a lack of attention for what he was talking about. Turns out, dude is like a coroner or an embalmer or some such thing. I really didn't know you had to be dressed so well for such work, but anyway. And he was tall, like 6-6. I ain't short, and I looked short next to this dude. Course, he works with dead people all day. If you're gonna be 6 feet in the hole, I guess Kerri Strug would look tall. But anyway, he went on about some of the people he'd seen (dead people mind you) in various states. All bloodied up, torn up, pulled apart, what have you. It was quite a rampage for 6:40 or so in the morning. Later, he was talking about all his various girlfriends. I'm thinking, wait, there are embalmer groupies? The whole conversation was kind of surreal. I happened to see the guy again in the Metro today, and he didn't recognize me. I guess that's a good thing - because if this guy sees you more than once, chances are you're probably dead.
2. I Don't Care Nunna About Yo Baby-Daddy
* Look, I don't look like someone that should be on TV. I have bad hair, not a great face, a pot belly and the nicest thing I've been associated with regarding my looks was having a little kid in Springfield Mall once ask me for my autograph because he thought I was Curt Schilling - as if Curt Schilling would be walking around Springfield Mall during the season with a Cubs hat on - but anyway. But you know who I really don't look like? Maury, that's who. Maybe you've seen Maury a time or two in your life. Basically, he does the same show every day, which is to use some drive-through DNA/Bail Bonds joint to determine who the father of various kids are because the mothers are distraught at not knowing, or they slept with so many guys, they couldn't possibly know. And as an aside, there needs to be a "special" Maury, where one guy ends up being the father of all the kids of the 6 different women they bring out. That would be epic.
Anyhow, I was resting comfortably in my seat this morning and that's when a woman and 2 others sat in the general area, with the woman next to me. Now, nevermind that they were separated, they were going to carry their conversation on anyway. She proceeded to talk about this and that regarding her, some dude, some kids who couldn't get into a house or something, and the guy wouldn't get off a couch to let them in some other house, and then there was some other person in the hospital, and he vomited a lot but was gaining weight (I'd advise folks to stay away from whatever hospital that was), and on and on and on.
Again, in situations such as public transportation, especially overcrowded public transportation, you are sometimes going to get personal details. But even if you are riding the train with your friends, be a little more discreet 'bout your business. It's not that we want to listen, and it's not that we care - but you're not giving us much choice but to listen when you're the only one on the whole train we can hear!
3. Metro Needs a Helping Hand
* Well, the fare hikes are approved for Metro and go into affect on January 6. You can go to www.wmata.com and read all about them. I swear, if they were asking for any more money and such, Sally Struthers would be walking through the Gallery Place station with some little kid stealing hash browns from strangers (and yes, I saw someone eating hash browns on the Metro this morning, but anyway). Seriously, they are trying to protect against a shortfall and "maintain their level of service." Lemme axe ya this. What do you think their normal level of service is now? It's crap! It's not Scottish, it's Crap! Just today, one train was too overcrowded for anyone to board, the next one broke down, and the next one couldn't go more than 17 feet without stopping. I seriously was waiting for lava or some such thing to come shooting up into the train and kill us all. And everybody was in a bad mood this morning, too. I'm surprised there wasn't a full-out brawl. That's going to happen one of these days, just you watch.
Because, you know, Metro is "maintaining their level of service." ... You know what, Metro should be run by the mafia. They wouldn't put up with this bullshit day after day. The minute after some made guy is stuck in a tunnel for 10 minutes while the tracks go up in smoke? Yeah, shit would change. But no, we're stuck with the 10 Ewoks and wookiee that run the damn show now, lining their pockets with more of your hard-earned money while they take more and more time getting you to and from the place where you earn that money. Fucking geniuses.
4. Our American Youth are Hopeless, and the Country Will Fall into Karjackhistani Hands Within 20 Years
* Seriously folks, we're fucking doomed. Monday afternoon, I got on to the Metro at the usual spot to start the long journey home. It's a 12-stop ride for me to get to the next part of the deal, about 24 minutes on a day where Metro doesn't fuck it up, which we like to call, Sunday. Anyway, about 3 stops in, 3 girls get aboard. They are anywhere from 13 to 16 years old probably. Upon entering the car that I'm in (of course, right), one of them proclaims, "I'monna walk on here like I'm the shit and I'monna talk like I'm the shit because I am the shit and you better deal with it."
Umm, OK. First of all, you had to wonder how that made her two little friends feel. I mean, if this self-professed attention whore was the "Shit," what were they, little farts? I mean, in the movies, it wasn't the One Great Musketeers plus 2 fuckers with little swords. The A-Team wasn't one dude that did all the work and 3 other fuckers eating bon-bons. So where did this girl get off proclaiming that she was the "Shit," at the expense of the other two? The other two didn't argue the point, though, I think they have self-esteem issues, or maybe they were paid off. Meanwhile, the three then proceeded to yell and scream about Cam Neely knows what for the rest of the trip. When they left the train at Metro Center, everybody clapped.
And this, THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ... is the future of our country. These are people that in a few years will be voting, driving, the works. You think this country is fucked up now? Wait 10 years. Some country that hasn't even been invented yet, like Karjackhistan, will rise up and invade and there won't be a Cam Neely thing we can do about it, because all the smart people will be too old and brittle to care and the young people will be running around proclaiming themselves to be the "Shit," while Damascus burns.
I hope I'm around to see that actually.
And now a bonus entry! Because we love our reader(s):
5. Old Woman Better Step Off
* You know, look. I'm sure there is a reason why Federal workers have a reputation for being lazy. And just like any other profession, I'm sure there are Federal workers who are lazy. But as I was walking to my afternoon MARC train yesterday at Union Station, I passed by two older women who were trudging along, obviously pissed off at the world and what it had done to them. I mean, not to be brutal, but the ugly stick carried a multi-season winning streak over these two. ... Anyway, one was going on and on about something and as I passed them (which wasn't hard as they were moving slower than me toward a dance floor), I caught wind of what the one was on about.
"All these stupid-ass Federal workers. It doesn't matter what time they come in, they all leave at 4:30. Then they crowd the 5:20 train and make it so some of us can't get home. Bunch of lazy-ass bastards. Then MARC panders to them by adding a new Express training, so we can get all of these little Federal darlings home while the rest of us who actually work are screwed."
I don't think I heard what she said next, as I was somewhat under my breath perhaps maybe somewhat possibly muttering OK I said Fuck you as I walked by. First of all, the number of people that actually get turned away from boarding a train when they are on time to meet it before it leaves is remarkably small. So no one is keeping Ms. Precious from getting on the train. Do you have to stand on occasion? Sure, we all do. Bite the bullet, Francis. But to go on and on and classify an entire group of people as you did, when some of those folks are involved in jobs doing tasks that you wouldn't be caught dead doing ... well, hell, you can fuck off in my book. I do a lot of work every day, and I'm proud of it. Do I put my nose to the grindstone for all 8.5 hours? Hell no. And no one else does, either. Not Feds, not contractors, not anyone. Certainly not Ms. Precious. She probably has a well-paying job sitting in the third floor of some swank office building watching the cars rust. But hey, someone's gotta do that, I guess.
I think it was the whole "Federal Darlings" part of the comment that really pissed me off. Though I am going to add it to my list of fake band names ... right up there with Rolling Midget Army of Nepal.
I don't think Federal Darlings will sell a lot of records, though. After all, we'd all be too lazy to write any songs, wouldn't we? Fucking genius.
Stay safe on the rails, and if you hear or see something stupid - laugh.
Signed,
MDR
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Various Issues
Things have actually been pretty tame on the rails for the last few days. Most of what has gotten on my nerves, I've written about before, but here were a few things that popped into my head tonight that I want to address really quick before I go to sleep (hell, I have to be at the train station in less than 7 hours).
1. I'monna Start a Brawl
* Seriously, like hel-lo. What the hell is up with some of you people? The new thing that's all the rage at both MARC and Metro stations is, if there's a big line of people waiting to get on a train - everyone trying to get on the same train, mind you, the dude at the back starts just pushing his way into everyone else. Not like an arms out, Randy Moss push, mind you, but more like a body lean that ends up right against you and while it doesn't hurt, it's annoying as shit. You would think people would have evolved enough to this point that they would realize that trying to board the train stampede style wouldn't work. But no, most people haven't evolved that much. So, now when people do that to me, they are going to find themselves going the other way, because I'm going to push in the opposite direction until you either do something about it, or you fall off the platform to your death or a serious maiming.
Pick one.
2. MARC Gets it Right
* Big news today out of the MARC home offices in Governor O'Malley's house, as the transportation line announced the addition of three new evening routes in February. One will be a 5:14 p.m. express from Washington north, which is money, as the current 5:20 express often is way, way overcrowded (as it was today, with people, including your hero, standing in the middle of the aisle on the upper level - and lemme just tell ya, when you get to be my size, and the car is going back and forth, to and fro, and the belly gets a little momentum going to one side or the other - yeah, folks are lucky there wasn't a catastrophe today). Anyway, they are also adding an additional line from Baltimore to the South (this is all on the Penn Line by the way), and the Drinking Man's Special - an 11:45 p.m. route leaving Union Station heading north. Can you say 6-hour Happy Hour? No more leaving the bar early just when it's getting good to make sure there is a train home. Come February, it's party time!
You may wonder why I wrote that the MARC home office is in Governor O'Malley's house. I guess, in a sense, MARC is the Governor's own private train set, sans the little ice skating display in the middle and that old Lionel look-out house with the little plastic guy that came out of the door with the lantern every time the Santa Fe engine goes by (digressing? Possibly) ... but anyway, the messages from MARC today read like this ...
Governor Martin O 19Malley today announced he is adding service to the Penn Line. Three new trains will be added to boost capacity during the afternoon rush hour and provide late evening service for the first time. The new service is the first step toward implementing the Governor 19s comprehensive MARC Growth and Investment Plan released earlier this fall.
I don't know the significance of the 19 in the lad's name, and I'll go on record as saying I can't stand the dude. But I guess it's nice that he taxed everyone in the State to oblivion, because now I'll have an easier ride home. I hear this is how government is supposed to work. I wish there were other things he could decree from his house .... like all Metro trains have 16 cars and no one else on them but people I like .... like only meat loaf shall be served at official State functions ... and not only will slot machines be in the state, but I get to have one in my apartment.
None of that other stuff is probably going to happen, and I won't have any money left thanks to the Breathing Tax bill that he signed today - but hey, at least I have more options to get home, and I can even do it drunk if I want.
And just to toot our own train whistle here - did I not tell you that MARC had a plan and were likely to accomplish it? They are getting it done. Meanwhile, Metro trains continue to fall apart like a Rich Kotite-coached football team, with them begging for fare increases to "maintain the current level of service." Which means that you'll pay more to be stuck inside tunnels while the train in front of you can't move because it blowed up. Or there's smoke on the tracks. Or there's a door problem. Or there was a mechanical problem. Or, as it was on Tuesday, someone "made contact" with the train. Hell, did the person at least have good defensive position? Did he draw the charge? Was he wearing a Duke jersey such that he automatically gets the call in that situation? These are the things I wonder about at 12:07 a.m.
3. A MARC Rider Confused Me
* This happened on Monday, and I think it was in the morning, though I'm still trying to get over the idea that we all ride Governor O'Malley's Lionel train set, so maybe my head is foggy. Anywho, I was sitting in an aisle seat trying to find room with a right tackle and left guard sitting in the two seats to the right of me. A dude walked up the aisle toward the exit (I guess it was his stop, but who gets off at Seabrook?), and he was carrying one of those big-ass bags that we have discussed here before. Now - first of all, men should be carrying big-ass bags. We don't need to carry all that much shit to work. But anyway, the moral of the story is, big-ass bag clocked me in the leg as he walked by. Before I could even think to myself, BLOG TARGET!, he topped that off with something very unusual.
He turned around and apologized.
I waved it off as no big deal and all was good. But I don't know where they got the idea to let these reasonable people on the trains now. If this continues, I'm going to have to start blogging about soccer trades or something.
Stay safe, rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
1. I'monna Start a Brawl
* Seriously, like hel-lo. What the hell is up with some of you people? The new thing that's all the rage at both MARC and Metro stations is, if there's a big line of people waiting to get on a train - everyone trying to get on the same train, mind you, the dude at the back starts just pushing his way into everyone else. Not like an arms out, Randy Moss push, mind you, but more like a body lean that ends up right against you and while it doesn't hurt, it's annoying as shit. You would think people would have evolved enough to this point that they would realize that trying to board the train stampede style wouldn't work. But no, most people haven't evolved that much. So, now when people do that to me, they are going to find themselves going the other way, because I'm going to push in the opposite direction until you either do something about it, or you fall off the platform to your death or a serious maiming.
Pick one.
2. MARC Gets it Right
* Big news today out of the MARC home offices in Governor O'Malley's house, as the transportation line announced the addition of three new evening routes in February. One will be a 5:14 p.m. express from Washington north, which is money, as the current 5:20 express often is way, way overcrowded (as it was today, with people, including your hero, standing in the middle of the aisle on the upper level - and lemme just tell ya, when you get to be my size, and the car is going back and forth, to and fro, and the belly gets a little momentum going to one side or the other - yeah, folks are lucky there wasn't a catastrophe today). Anyway, they are also adding an additional line from Baltimore to the South (this is all on the Penn Line by the way), and the Drinking Man's Special - an 11:45 p.m. route leaving Union Station heading north. Can you say 6-hour Happy Hour? No more leaving the bar early just when it's getting good to make sure there is a train home. Come February, it's party time!
You may wonder why I wrote that the MARC home office is in Governor O'Malley's house. I guess, in a sense, MARC is the Governor's own private train set, sans the little ice skating display in the middle and that old Lionel look-out house with the little plastic guy that came out of the door with the lantern every time the Santa Fe engine goes by (digressing? Possibly) ... but anyway, the messages from MARC today read like this ...
Governor Martin O 19Malley today announced he is adding service to the Penn Line. Three new trains will be added to boost capacity during the afternoon rush hour and provide late evening service for the first time. The new service is the first step toward implementing the Governor 19s comprehensive MARC Growth and Investment Plan released earlier this fall.
I don't know the significance of the 19 in the lad's name, and I'll go on record as saying I can't stand the dude. But I guess it's nice that he taxed everyone in the State to oblivion, because now I'll have an easier ride home. I hear this is how government is supposed to work. I wish there were other things he could decree from his house .... like all Metro trains have 16 cars and no one else on them but people I like .... like only meat loaf shall be served at official State functions ... and not only will slot machines be in the state, but I get to have one in my apartment.
None of that other stuff is probably going to happen, and I won't have any money left thanks to the Breathing Tax bill that he signed today - but hey, at least I have more options to get home, and I can even do it drunk if I want.
And just to toot our own train whistle here - did I not tell you that MARC had a plan and were likely to accomplish it? They are getting it done. Meanwhile, Metro trains continue to fall apart like a Rich Kotite-coached football team, with them begging for fare increases to "maintain the current level of service." Which means that you'll pay more to be stuck inside tunnels while the train in front of you can't move because it blowed up. Or there's smoke on the tracks. Or there's a door problem. Or there was a mechanical problem. Or, as it was on Tuesday, someone "made contact" with the train. Hell, did the person at least have good defensive position? Did he draw the charge? Was he wearing a Duke jersey such that he automatically gets the call in that situation? These are the things I wonder about at 12:07 a.m.
3. A MARC Rider Confused Me
* This happened on Monday, and I think it was in the morning, though I'm still trying to get over the idea that we all ride Governor O'Malley's Lionel train set, so maybe my head is foggy. Anywho, I was sitting in an aisle seat trying to find room with a right tackle and left guard sitting in the two seats to the right of me. A dude walked up the aisle toward the exit (I guess it was his stop, but who gets off at Seabrook?), and he was carrying one of those big-ass bags that we have discussed here before. Now - first of all, men should be carrying big-ass bags. We don't need to carry all that much shit to work. But anyway, the moral of the story is, big-ass bag clocked me in the leg as he walked by. Before I could even think to myself, BLOG TARGET!, he topped that off with something very unusual.
He turned around and apologized.
I waved it off as no big deal and all was good. But I don't know where they got the idea to let these reasonable people on the trains now. If this continues, I'm going to have to start blogging about soccer trades or something.
Stay safe, rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
On Tuesday, Voices Carry
A few things to get to so let's go, because it's late and I want to go to sleep ...
1. Kids - They're Stupid
OK ... maybe not all kids. But all the kids on the Metro train I was on this afternoon were stupid, so that's a case study of 6 kids, and 6 out of 6 were stupid. That's even a better percentage than the 4 out of 5 dentists that prefer Trident to your leading gum. I was on the Metro a bit earlier today than usual, and had the good fortune of running into a friend of mine I hadn't seen in several months, so we were trying to talk on the Metro when 6 kids, ages 10-15 boarded. Apparently they were either stupid, poorly educated, or straight up deaf. They proceeded to yell at each other at the back of the train, and every 4th word was a cuss word. Although, as my friend and I figured, that was probably because the cuss words were easier to pronounce. Hell, most of them are four letters, even a bit of education can teach you how to knock those out. About 7 stops later, they left the train, and all was quiet again. Until the next stop, when the loud-mouthed little runts got back on. Well, 5 of them did. I guess they had just hopped cars. But this was enough to thoroughly confuse one of the 6, who proceeded to get on the train as the other 5 had decided they were going to exit again, and we took off with him on it and the other 5 screaming on the platform like they had just seen a zombie carrying tonight's homework assignment.
I'm so never having kids.
2. Faces of Death - MetroBus Driver Style
Do the people who drive Metro buses know how to drive at all? The more I hear about the incidents they are involved in, the more I wonder if they are like that guy that used to be on the opening montage of ABC's Wide World of Sports, who careens down the ski jump and falls ass over tea kettle for several hundred feet. I remember a comic once doing a bit basically asking if that guy could ski at all. I wonder the same about Metrobus drivers. Once a month, we are hearing about accidents they are involved in, and the latest one killed a pedestrian, which sadly isn't a first, either, or a second, or a third, unfortunately. Now, there may be reasons why the driver may not be at fault. I understand that. But on the days when I drive in and I see these Metro buses rolling through red lights, cutting in front of compact cars, and changing lanes for no apparent reason, it's hard to believe the drivers aren't a little bit off their rocker. I once saw a writer try and convince commuting readers that "getting to work and home again is traveling, not Bloodsport." ... Where Metro is involved, I'm no longer so sure that this axiom is true.
3. Metro's New Rail Cars
Hopefully, the same people don't drive the Metro trains, but I think they drive themselves to some extent, so maybe we're all at least a little safer in that mode of public transportation. But anyway, Metro announced today that they have rolled out two new styles of rail cars that will enter a 6-month customer testing period, first on the Green Line, but eventually throughout the system. The cars don't have carpet (vinyl flooring instead), some have bench seating and they have retractable hand rail pull things in the ceiling that you can pull down to your height, and then they go back in place when the person is done. Of course, if the person is really short and needs to pull the thing that far down in the first place, I do wonder how they are actually going to reach it to do that, but anyhow. Of note, in the story I read on this, it said that Metro expects these cars to hold 20 additional passengers than the current setup, lifting the capacity of a car to 200 people. That means that the current cars are supposed to have a capacity of 180. Have you ever been on a Metro train? Look around you next time and figure out exactly how 180 people are going to fit on each car. These new cars better have seats in the ceiling if they are going to hold 200 people.
4. Big Ass Bags from Hell
Look people. I really don't know what you people are bringing back and forth to work every day. And I'm not sure I want to know. But whatever could you possibly need during the day that requires it to be carried on the MARC train in a bag big enough to fit Fat Albert? More and more, I am seeing people trying to walk down the aisles in the train with these big ass bags in toe, bashing them off people who are minding their own business sitting in their seats. I saw one woman get straight up clocked in the face by one of these big ass bags today and the woman carrying the bag just walked on like nothing happened. The bags ought to have to pay for a ticket! Then these same people try and take the bag and stuff it in the little overhead storage compartment and get puzzled looks on their faces when they don't fit, and even if they do, that means that no one else in that row can put anything in that spot (which is half theirs) because the big ass bag woman has to carry her entire life's possessions for a normal workday. I think some of these people are carrying their fucking cars to work. You could fit a small Kia in some of these bags that I've seen. Seriously - bring your lunch, your makeup, maybe an umbrella, and a bottle of water. At most, maybe you have a couple documents from work that you had to review the night before because you are a workaholic with nothing else to do. But you don't need to bring your whole life with you on the train! Because next time you come strolling up the aisle with your big ass bag rolling behind you and I'm sitting in my seat, minding me business, and big ass bag clocks me in the foot like I'm a speed bump or something, big ass bag is getting chucked out the side of the car and if you are still attached ... oops.
But hey - at least when you land and finish your barrel roll from 100 mph down to 0, you'll have all your stuff.
Be careful out there rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
PS: These freecreditreport.com commercials with the guy singing needs to die a quick death.
1. Kids - They're Stupid
OK ... maybe not all kids. But all the kids on the Metro train I was on this afternoon were stupid, so that's a case study of 6 kids, and 6 out of 6 were stupid. That's even a better percentage than the 4 out of 5 dentists that prefer Trident to your leading gum. I was on the Metro a bit earlier today than usual, and had the good fortune of running into a friend of mine I hadn't seen in several months, so we were trying to talk on the Metro when 6 kids, ages 10-15 boarded. Apparently they were either stupid, poorly educated, or straight up deaf. They proceeded to yell at each other at the back of the train, and every 4th word was a cuss word. Although, as my friend and I figured, that was probably because the cuss words were easier to pronounce. Hell, most of them are four letters, even a bit of education can teach you how to knock those out. About 7 stops later, they left the train, and all was quiet again. Until the next stop, when the loud-mouthed little runts got back on. Well, 5 of them did. I guess they had just hopped cars. But this was enough to thoroughly confuse one of the 6, who proceeded to get on the train as the other 5 had decided they were going to exit again, and we took off with him on it and the other 5 screaming on the platform like they had just seen a zombie carrying tonight's homework assignment.
I'm so never having kids.
2. Faces of Death - MetroBus Driver Style
Do the people who drive Metro buses know how to drive at all? The more I hear about the incidents they are involved in, the more I wonder if they are like that guy that used to be on the opening montage of ABC's Wide World of Sports, who careens down the ski jump and falls ass over tea kettle for several hundred feet. I remember a comic once doing a bit basically asking if that guy could ski at all. I wonder the same about Metrobus drivers. Once a month, we are hearing about accidents they are involved in, and the latest one killed a pedestrian, which sadly isn't a first, either, or a second, or a third, unfortunately. Now, there may be reasons why the driver may not be at fault. I understand that. But on the days when I drive in and I see these Metro buses rolling through red lights, cutting in front of compact cars, and changing lanes for no apparent reason, it's hard to believe the drivers aren't a little bit off their rocker. I once saw a writer try and convince commuting readers that "getting to work and home again is traveling, not Bloodsport." ... Where Metro is involved, I'm no longer so sure that this axiom is true.
3. Metro's New Rail Cars
Hopefully, the same people don't drive the Metro trains, but I think they drive themselves to some extent, so maybe we're all at least a little safer in that mode of public transportation. But anyway, Metro announced today that they have rolled out two new styles of rail cars that will enter a 6-month customer testing period, first on the Green Line, but eventually throughout the system. The cars don't have carpet (vinyl flooring instead), some have bench seating and they have retractable hand rail pull things in the ceiling that you can pull down to your height, and then they go back in place when the person is done. Of course, if the person is really short and needs to pull the thing that far down in the first place, I do wonder how they are actually going to reach it to do that, but anyhow. Of note, in the story I read on this, it said that Metro expects these cars to hold 20 additional passengers than the current setup, lifting the capacity of a car to 200 people. That means that the current cars are supposed to have a capacity of 180. Have you ever been on a Metro train? Look around you next time and figure out exactly how 180 people are going to fit on each car. These new cars better have seats in the ceiling if they are going to hold 200 people.
4. Big Ass Bags from Hell
Look people. I really don't know what you people are bringing back and forth to work every day. And I'm not sure I want to know. But whatever could you possibly need during the day that requires it to be carried on the MARC train in a bag big enough to fit Fat Albert? More and more, I am seeing people trying to walk down the aisles in the train with these big ass bags in toe, bashing them off people who are minding their own business sitting in their seats. I saw one woman get straight up clocked in the face by one of these big ass bags today and the woman carrying the bag just walked on like nothing happened. The bags ought to have to pay for a ticket! Then these same people try and take the bag and stuff it in the little overhead storage compartment and get puzzled looks on their faces when they don't fit, and even if they do, that means that no one else in that row can put anything in that spot (which is half theirs) because the big ass bag woman has to carry her entire life's possessions for a normal workday. I think some of these people are carrying their fucking cars to work. You could fit a small Kia in some of these bags that I've seen. Seriously - bring your lunch, your makeup, maybe an umbrella, and a bottle of water. At most, maybe you have a couple documents from work that you had to review the night before because you are a workaholic with nothing else to do. But you don't need to bring your whole life with you on the train! Because next time you come strolling up the aisle with your big ass bag rolling behind you and I'm sitting in my seat, minding me business, and big ass bag clocks me in the foot like I'm a speed bump or something, big ass bag is getting chucked out the side of the car and if you are still attached ... oops.
But hey - at least when you land and finish your barrel roll from 100 mph down to 0, you'll have all your stuff.
Be careful out there rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
PS: These freecreditreport.com commercials with the guy singing needs to die a quick death.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
