Oh, Lordie Lordie, the People - They Crazy.

A roundup of the last few days, where there's been no shortage of materials. I think people get even crazier now that it's the holiday season. And they were already off the ledge.

Here we go:

1. Confessions of a Coroner
* It's not all that unusual when riding the MARC at 6:30 in the morning that you are going to hear some details about someone's job. A lot of the same people ride every day, or people ride with their friends, or what the hell ever, so you hear what some people do for a living from time to time. But on Monday, that went to a whole new level when I took a seat and across from me diagonally was a well-dressed gentleman, maybe in his 50s, and some other folks who it appeared he knew from at least riding the train every day. Anyway, this person was also the conductor of the conversation as it were, and he'd even brought like 8 copies of the paper with him, and offered me one. That's cool.

It would turn out later that I would need it to try and feign a lack of attention for what he was talking about. Turns out, dude is like a coroner or an embalmer or some such thing. I really didn't know you had to be dressed so well for such work, but anyway. And he was tall, like 6-6. I ain't short, and I looked short next to this dude. Course, he works with dead people all day. If you're gonna be 6 feet in the hole, I guess Kerri Strug would look tall. But anyway, he went on about some of the people he'd seen (dead people mind you) in various states. All bloodied up, torn up, pulled apart, what have you. It was quite a rampage for 6:40 or so in the morning. Later, he was talking about all his various girlfriends. I'm thinking, wait, there are embalmer groupies? The whole conversation was kind of surreal. I happened to see the guy again in the Metro today, and he didn't recognize me. I guess that's a good thing - because if this guy sees you more than once, chances are you're probably dead.

2. I Don't Care Nunna About Yo Baby-Daddy
* Look, I don't look like someone that should be on TV. I have bad hair, not a great face, a pot belly and the nicest thing I've been associated with regarding my looks was having a little kid in Springfield Mall once ask me for my autograph because he thought I was Curt Schilling - as if Curt Schilling would be walking around Springfield Mall during the season with a Cubs hat on - but anyway. But you know who I really don't look like? Maury, that's who. Maybe you've seen Maury a time or two in your life. Basically, he does the same show every day, which is to use some drive-through DNA/Bail Bonds joint to determine who the father of various kids are because the mothers are distraught at not knowing, or they slept with so many guys, they couldn't possibly know. And as an aside, there needs to be a "special" Maury, where one guy ends up being the father of all the kids of the 6 different women they bring out. That would be epic.

Anyhow, I was resting comfortably in my seat this morning and that's when a woman and 2 others sat in the general area, with the woman next to me. Now, nevermind that they were separated, they were going to carry their conversation on anyway. She proceeded to talk about this and that regarding her, some dude, some kids who couldn't get into a house or something, and the guy wouldn't get off a couch to let them in some other house, and then there was some other person in the hospital, and he vomited a lot but was gaining weight (I'd advise folks to stay away from whatever hospital that was), and on and on and on.

Again, in situations such as public transportation, especially overcrowded public transportation, you are sometimes going to get personal details. But even if you are riding the train with your friends, be a little more discreet 'bout your business. It's not that we want to listen, and it's not that we care - but you're not giving us much choice but to listen when you're the only one on the whole train we can hear!

3. Metro Needs a Helping Hand
* Well, the fare hikes are approved for Metro and go into affect on January 6. You can go to www.wmata.com and read all about them. I swear, if they were asking for any more money and such, Sally Struthers would be walking through the Gallery Place station with some little kid stealing hash browns from strangers (and yes, I saw someone eating hash browns on the Metro this morning, but anyway). Seriously, they are trying to protect against a shortfall and "maintain their level of service." Lemme axe ya this. What do you think their normal level of service is now? It's crap! It's not Scottish, it's Crap! Just today, one train was too overcrowded for anyone to board, the next one broke down, and the next one couldn't go more than 17 feet without stopping. I seriously was waiting for lava or some such thing to come shooting up into the train and kill us all. And everybody was in a bad mood this morning, too. I'm surprised there wasn't a full-out brawl. That's going to happen one of these days, just you watch.

Because, you know, Metro is "maintaining their level of service." ... You know what, Metro should be run by the mafia. They wouldn't put up with this bullshit day after day. The minute after some made guy is stuck in a tunnel for 10 minutes while the tracks go up in smoke? Yeah, shit would change. But no, we're stuck with the 10 Ewoks and wookiee that run the damn show now, lining their pockets with more of your hard-earned money while they take more and more time getting you to and from the place where you earn that money. Fucking geniuses.

4. Our American Youth are Hopeless, and the Country Will Fall into Karjackhistani Hands Within 20 Years
* Seriously folks, we're fucking doomed. Monday afternoon, I got on to the Metro at the usual spot to start the long journey home. It's a 12-stop ride for me to get to the next part of the deal, about 24 minutes on a day where Metro doesn't fuck it up, which we like to call, Sunday. Anyway, about 3 stops in, 3 girls get aboard. They are anywhere from 13 to 16 years old probably. Upon entering the car that I'm in (of course, right), one of them proclaims, "I'monna walk on here like I'm the shit and I'monna talk like I'm the shit because I am the shit and you better deal with it."

Umm, OK. First of all, you had to wonder how that made her two little friends feel. I mean, if this self-professed attention whore was the "Shit," what were they, little farts? I mean, in the movies, it wasn't the One Great Musketeers plus 2 fuckers with little swords. The A-Team wasn't one dude that did all the work and 3 other fuckers eating bon-bons. So where did this girl get off proclaiming that she was the "Shit," at the expense of the other two? The other two didn't argue the point, though, I think they have self-esteem issues, or maybe they were paid off. Meanwhile, the three then proceeded to yell and scream about Cam Neely knows what for the rest of the trip. When they left the train at Metro Center, everybody clapped.

And this, THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ... is the future of our country. These are people that in a few years will be voting, driving, the works. You think this country is fucked up now? Wait 10 years. Some country that hasn't even been invented yet, like Karjackhistan, will rise up and invade and there won't be a Cam Neely thing we can do about it, because all the smart people will be too old and brittle to care and the young people will be running around proclaiming themselves to be the "Shit," while Damascus burns.

I hope I'm around to see that actually.

And now a bonus entry! Because we love our reader(s):

5. Old Woman Better Step Off
* You know, look. I'm sure there is a reason why Federal workers have a reputation for being lazy. And just like any other profession, I'm sure there are Federal workers who are lazy. But as I was walking to my afternoon MARC train yesterday at Union Station, I passed by two older women who were trudging along, obviously pissed off at the world and what it had done to them. I mean, not to be brutal, but the ugly stick carried a multi-season winning streak over these two. ... Anyway, one was going on and on about something and as I passed them (which wasn't hard as they were moving slower than me toward a dance floor), I caught wind of what the one was on about.

"All these stupid-ass Federal workers. It doesn't matter what time they come in, they all leave at 4:30. Then they crowd the 5:20 train and make it so some of us can't get home. Bunch of lazy-ass bastards. Then MARC panders to them by adding a new Express training, so we can get all of these little Federal darlings home while the rest of us who actually work are screwed."

I don't think I heard what she said next, as I was somewhat under my breath perhaps maybe somewhat possibly muttering OK I said Fuck you as I walked by. First of all, the number of people that actually get turned away from boarding a train when they are on time to meet it before it leaves is remarkably small. So no one is keeping Ms. Precious from getting on the train. Do you have to stand on occasion? Sure, we all do. Bite the bullet, Francis. But to go on and on and classify an entire group of people as you did, when some of those folks are involved in jobs doing tasks that you wouldn't be caught dead doing ... well, hell, you can fuck off in my book. I do a lot of work every day, and I'm proud of it. Do I put my nose to the grindstone for all 8.5 hours? Hell no. And no one else does, either. Not Feds, not contractors, not anyone. Certainly not Ms. Precious. She probably has a well-paying job sitting in the third floor of some swank office building watching the cars rust. But hey, someone's gotta do that, I guess.

I think it was the whole "Federal Darlings" part of the comment that really pissed me off. Though I am going to add it to my list of fake band names ... right up there with Rolling Midget Army of Nepal.

I don't think Federal Darlings will sell a lot of records, though. After all, we'd all be too lazy to write any songs, wouldn't we? Fucking genius.

Stay safe on the rails, and if you hear or see something stupid - laugh.

Signed,
MDR