Real Men of Genius: Mr. Dressed Up Coffee Slurping Annoying Guy

Dear Dude on the MARC Train,

Hey, everyone wants to have a seat when they get on the train - I can't hate on ya for that. And sure, if you want to take the open seat next to me, that's fine. I'm an accommodating kind of person (though the hot chick that took the next seat down would have been a better option for all involved - but anyhow). So ... I just wanted to write this friendly note to let you know that I thought it was great that you responded to getting said seat by then having about 35 pounds worth of baggage that you couldn't put anywhere, and decided to dump on me, and for the record, I thought the quizzical look you gave when I muttered, "What the ********?," was priceless. But then to top it off, since you just had to have that coffee this morning, you then had to slurp it for the entire 35 minute trip. That's great. Dude, you're like 40. Do you still chew with your mouth open, fart in public, and wipe your nose with your jeans? Oh, but you weren't done. No, sir, then there was the chewing on the edge of the cup itself - as if there wasn't enough coffee in it, so you had to get the residue that had built up from your own backwash! Classic.

I can't wait until you leave this world for the great commuter train in the sky. While your soul is elsewhere, I'll be spreading coffee grounds over the remnants of your hollowed-out skull.

You make it a great day!

Signed,
Marc D. Rider