So Thursday afternoon, the train was a bit crowded headed back north for home. I was late at work and the day was a bit crazy, so it wasn't until the 6:05 local route that I was able to get aboard and start the journey.
With it being close to the holidays and all, I thought maybe this train wouldn't be as crowded as its 5:20 ad 5:34 counterparts.
Not so fast, my friends.
The train was in fact packed, which led to people standing in the aisles. And not for nothing, and this is happened on 3 consecutive occasions, but when the train is packed and there are no seats, and you people continue to wander through the car looking for seats that aren't there, why is it that when you have to stop and decide, "OK, I think I'll park my ass right here and stand," even when no one else in that part of the train is doing likewise yet, that you plant your ass right next to where I'm sitting? Your ass doesn't interest me!
But this got taken to a whole new level on Thursday. The woman that was standing in the aisle next to my seat was also carrying on a conversation of sorts with a guy sitting in the same row but on the opposite side of the aisle from me. They were part talking and part signing, so it was kind of hard to tell what was going on (I saw three people carrying on a sign language conversation on the Metro the other day and wondered how you could tell who was interrupting). Anyway ... the woman who was parked in the aisle kept shuffling around, looking for a place to get comfortable. I thought about offering her my seat, but then that would have inconvenienced the poor chap who was already caught sitting between the two people in the conversation. (Ideally, that dude should have switched seats with me, and then I could have traded with the woman for a player to be named later).
Anyhow, in her desire to get comfortable, the woman decided she was going to sit/squat in the aisle. Yeah, that didn't work. There's a reason why wide loads don't take one-lane roads. So, the story ends with the woman going to squat/sit/whatever she was doing, and sitting pretty much right in my lap. At first, I'm not even sure she realized what she had done. But you're in the aisle! If you sit down on something, you fucked up!
She jumped up and immediately apologized and I'm like, "yeah, that's fine." I really wasn't in the mood to call any more attention to the incident than necessary. It was a hell of a way to wake up, however, from my half-hearted attempt at sleep on the ride home.
Course, I guess this gives "ride home" a whole new meaning.
MDR
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Oh, Lordie Lordie, the People - They Crazy.
A roundup of the last few days, where there's been no shortage of materials. I think people get even crazier now that it's the holiday season. And they were already off the ledge.
Here we go:
1. Confessions of a Coroner
* It's not all that unusual when riding the MARC at 6:30 in the morning that you are going to hear some details about someone's job. A lot of the same people ride every day, or people ride with their friends, or what the hell ever, so you hear what some people do for a living from time to time. But on Monday, that went to a whole new level when I took a seat and across from me diagonally was a well-dressed gentleman, maybe in his 50s, and some other folks who it appeared he knew from at least riding the train every day. Anyway, this person was also the conductor of the conversation as it were, and he'd even brought like 8 copies of the paper with him, and offered me one. That's cool.
It would turn out later that I would need it to try and feign a lack of attention for what he was talking about. Turns out, dude is like a coroner or an embalmer or some such thing. I really didn't know you had to be dressed so well for such work, but anyway. And he was tall, like 6-6. I ain't short, and I looked short next to this dude. Course, he works with dead people all day. If you're gonna be 6 feet in the hole, I guess Kerri Strug would look tall. But anyway, he went on about some of the people he'd seen (dead people mind you) in various states. All bloodied up, torn up, pulled apart, what have you. It was quite a rampage for 6:40 or so in the morning. Later, he was talking about all his various girlfriends. I'm thinking, wait, there are embalmer groupies? The whole conversation was kind of surreal. I happened to see the guy again in the Metro today, and he didn't recognize me. I guess that's a good thing - because if this guy sees you more than once, chances are you're probably dead.
2. I Don't Care Nunna About Yo Baby-Daddy
* Look, I don't look like someone that should be on TV. I have bad hair, not a great face, a pot belly and the nicest thing I've been associated with regarding my looks was having a little kid in Springfield Mall once ask me for my autograph because he thought I was Curt Schilling - as if Curt Schilling would be walking around Springfield Mall during the season with a Cubs hat on - but anyway. But you know who I really don't look like? Maury, that's who. Maybe you've seen Maury a time or two in your life. Basically, he does the same show every day, which is to use some drive-through DNA/Bail Bonds joint to determine who the father of various kids are because the mothers are distraught at not knowing, or they slept with so many guys, they couldn't possibly know. And as an aside, there needs to be a "special" Maury, where one guy ends up being the father of all the kids of the 6 different women they bring out. That would be epic.
Anyhow, I was resting comfortably in my seat this morning and that's when a woman and 2 others sat in the general area, with the woman next to me. Now, nevermind that they were separated, they were going to carry their conversation on anyway. She proceeded to talk about this and that regarding her, some dude, some kids who couldn't get into a house or something, and the guy wouldn't get off a couch to let them in some other house, and then there was some other person in the hospital, and he vomited a lot but was gaining weight (I'd advise folks to stay away from whatever hospital that was), and on and on and on.
Again, in situations such as public transportation, especially overcrowded public transportation, you are sometimes going to get personal details. But even if you are riding the train with your friends, be a little more discreet 'bout your business. It's not that we want to listen, and it's not that we care - but you're not giving us much choice but to listen when you're the only one on the whole train we can hear!
3. Metro Needs a Helping Hand
* Well, the fare hikes are approved for Metro and go into affect on January 6. You can go to www.wmata.com and read all about them. I swear, if they were asking for any more money and such, Sally Struthers would be walking through the Gallery Place station with some little kid stealing hash browns from strangers (and yes, I saw someone eating hash browns on the Metro this morning, but anyway). Seriously, they are trying to protect against a shortfall and "maintain their level of service." Lemme axe ya this. What do you think their normal level of service is now? It's crap! It's not Scottish, it's Crap! Just today, one train was too overcrowded for anyone to board, the next one broke down, and the next one couldn't go more than 17 feet without stopping. I seriously was waiting for lava or some such thing to come shooting up into the train and kill us all. And everybody was in a bad mood this morning, too. I'm surprised there wasn't a full-out brawl. That's going to happen one of these days, just you watch.
Because, you know, Metro is "maintaining their level of service." ... You know what, Metro should be run by the mafia. They wouldn't put up with this bullshit day after day. The minute after some made guy is stuck in a tunnel for 10 minutes while the tracks go up in smoke? Yeah, shit would change. But no, we're stuck with the 10 Ewoks and wookiee that run the damn show now, lining their pockets with more of your hard-earned money while they take more and more time getting you to and from the place where you earn that money. Fucking geniuses.
4. Our American Youth are Hopeless, and the Country Will Fall into Karjackhistani Hands Within 20 Years
* Seriously folks, we're fucking doomed. Monday afternoon, I got on to the Metro at the usual spot to start the long journey home. It's a 12-stop ride for me to get to the next part of the deal, about 24 minutes on a day where Metro doesn't fuck it up, which we like to call, Sunday. Anyway, about 3 stops in, 3 girls get aboard. They are anywhere from 13 to 16 years old probably. Upon entering the car that I'm in (of course, right), one of them proclaims, "I'monna walk on here like I'm the shit and I'monna talk like I'm the shit because I am the shit and you better deal with it."
Umm, OK. First of all, you had to wonder how that made her two little friends feel. I mean, if this self-professed attention whore was the "Shit," what were they, little farts? I mean, in the movies, it wasn't the One Great Musketeers plus 2 fuckers with little swords. The A-Team wasn't one dude that did all the work and 3 other fuckers eating bon-bons. So where did this girl get off proclaiming that she was the "Shit," at the expense of the other two? The other two didn't argue the point, though, I think they have self-esteem issues, or maybe they were paid off. Meanwhile, the three then proceeded to yell and scream about Cam Neely knows what for the rest of the trip. When they left the train at Metro Center, everybody clapped.
And this, THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ... is the future of our country. These are people that in a few years will be voting, driving, the works. You think this country is fucked up now? Wait 10 years. Some country that hasn't even been invented yet, like Karjackhistan, will rise up and invade and there won't be a Cam Neely thing we can do about it, because all the smart people will be too old and brittle to care and the young people will be running around proclaiming themselves to be the "Shit," while Damascus burns.
I hope I'm around to see that actually.
And now a bonus entry! Because we love our reader(s):
5. Old Woman Better Step Off
* You know, look. I'm sure there is a reason why Federal workers have a reputation for being lazy. And just like any other profession, I'm sure there are Federal workers who are lazy. But as I was walking to my afternoon MARC train yesterday at Union Station, I passed by two older women who were trudging along, obviously pissed off at the world and what it had done to them. I mean, not to be brutal, but the ugly stick carried a multi-season winning streak over these two. ... Anyway, one was going on and on about something and as I passed them (which wasn't hard as they were moving slower than me toward a dance floor), I caught wind of what the one was on about.
"All these stupid-ass Federal workers. It doesn't matter what time they come in, they all leave at 4:30. Then they crowd the 5:20 train and make it so some of us can't get home. Bunch of lazy-ass bastards. Then MARC panders to them by adding a new Express training, so we can get all of these little Federal darlings home while the rest of us who actually work are screwed."
I don't think I heard what she said next, as I was somewhat under my breath perhaps maybe somewhat possibly muttering OK I said Fuck you as I walked by. First of all, the number of people that actually get turned away from boarding a train when they are on time to meet it before it leaves is remarkably small. So no one is keeping Ms. Precious from getting on the train. Do you have to stand on occasion? Sure, we all do. Bite the bullet, Francis. But to go on and on and classify an entire group of people as you did, when some of those folks are involved in jobs doing tasks that you wouldn't be caught dead doing ... well, hell, you can fuck off in my book. I do a lot of work every day, and I'm proud of it. Do I put my nose to the grindstone for all 8.5 hours? Hell no. And no one else does, either. Not Feds, not contractors, not anyone. Certainly not Ms. Precious. She probably has a well-paying job sitting in the third floor of some swank office building watching the cars rust. But hey, someone's gotta do that, I guess.
I think it was the whole "Federal Darlings" part of the comment that really pissed me off. Though I am going to add it to my list of fake band names ... right up there with Rolling Midget Army of Nepal.
I don't think Federal Darlings will sell a lot of records, though. After all, we'd all be too lazy to write any songs, wouldn't we? Fucking genius.
Stay safe on the rails, and if you hear or see something stupid - laugh.
Signed,
MDR
Here we go:
1. Confessions of a Coroner
* It's not all that unusual when riding the MARC at 6:30 in the morning that you are going to hear some details about someone's job. A lot of the same people ride every day, or people ride with their friends, or what the hell ever, so you hear what some people do for a living from time to time. But on Monday, that went to a whole new level when I took a seat and across from me diagonally was a well-dressed gentleman, maybe in his 50s, and some other folks who it appeared he knew from at least riding the train every day. Anyway, this person was also the conductor of the conversation as it were, and he'd even brought like 8 copies of the paper with him, and offered me one. That's cool.
It would turn out later that I would need it to try and feign a lack of attention for what he was talking about. Turns out, dude is like a coroner or an embalmer or some such thing. I really didn't know you had to be dressed so well for such work, but anyway. And he was tall, like 6-6. I ain't short, and I looked short next to this dude. Course, he works with dead people all day. If you're gonna be 6 feet in the hole, I guess Kerri Strug would look tall. But anyway, he went on about some of the people he'd seen (dead people mind you) in various states. All bloodied up, torn up, pulled apart, what have you. It was quite a rampage for 6:40 or so in the morning. Later, he was talking about all his various girlfriends. I'm thinking, wait, there are embalmer groupies? The whole conversation was kind of surreal. I happened to see the guy again in the Metro today, and he didn't recognize me. I guess that's a good thing - because if this guy sees you more than once, chances are you're probably dead.
2. I Don't Care Nunna About Yo Baby-Daddy
* Look, I don't look like someone that should be on TV. I have bad hair, not a great face, a pot belly and the nicest thing I've been associated with regarding my looks was having a little kid in Springfield Mall once ask me for my autograph because he thought I was Curt Schilling - as if Curt Schilling would be walking around Springfield Mall during the season with a Cubs hat on - but anyway. But you know who I really don't look like? Maury, that's who. Maybe you've seen Maury a time or two in your life. Basically, he does the same show every day, which is to use some drive-through DNA/Bail Bonds joint to determine who the father of various kids are because the mothers are distraught at not knowing, or they slept with so many guys, they couldn't possibly know. And as an aside, there needs to be a "special" Maury, where one guy ends up being the father of all the kids of the 6 different women they bring out. That would be epic.
Anyhow, I was resting comfortably in my seat this morning and that's when a woman and 2 others sat in the general area, with the woman next to me. Now, nevermind that they were separated, they were going to carry their conversation on anyway. She proceeded to talk about this and that regarding her, some dude, some kids who couldn't get into a house or something, and the guy wouldn't get off a couch to let them in some other house, and then there was some other person in the hospital, and he vomited a lot but was gaining weight (I'd advise folks to stay away from whatever hospital that was), and on and on and on.
Again, in situations such as public transportation, especially overcrowded public transportation, you are sometimes going to get personal details. But even if you are riding the train with your friends, be a little more discreet 'bout your business. It's not that we want to listen, and it's not that we care - but you're not giving us much choice but to listen when you're the only one on the whole train we can hear!
3. Metro Needs a Helping Hand
* Well, the fare hikes are approved for Metro and go into affect on January 6. You can go to www.wmata.com and read all about them. I swear, if they were asking for any more money and such, Sally Struthers would be walking through the Gallery Place station with some little kid stealing hash browns from strangers (and yes, I saw someone eating hash browns on the Metro this morning, but anyway). Seriously, they are trying to protect against a shortfall and "maintain their level of service." Lemme axe ya this. What do you think their normal level of service is now? It's crap! It's not Scottish, it's Crap! Just today, one train was too overcrowded for anyone to board, the next one broke down, and the next one couldn't go more than 17 feet without stopping. I seriously was waiting for lava or some such thing to come shooting up into the train and kill us all. And everybody was in a bad mood this morning, too. I'm surprised there wasn't a full-out brawl. That's going to happen one of these days, just you watch.
Because, you know, Metro is "maintaining their level of service." ... You know what, Metro should be run by the mafia. They wouldn't put up with this bullshit day after day. The minute after some made guy is stuck in a tunnel for 10 minutes while the tracks go up in smoke? Yeah, shit would change. But no, we're stuck with the 10 Ewoks and wookiee that run the damn show now, lining their pockets with more of your hard-earned money while they take more and more time getting you to and from the place where you earn that money. Fucking geniuses.
4. Our American Youth are Hopeless, and the Country Will Fall into Karjackhistani Hands Within 20 Years
* Seriously folks, we're fucking doomed. Monday afternoon, I got on to the Metro at the usual spot to start the long journey home. It's a 12-stop ride for me to get to the next part of the deal, about 24 minutes on a day where Metro doesn't fuck it up, which we like to call, Sunday. Anyway, about 3 stops in, 3 girls get aboard. They are anywhere from 13 to 16 years old probably. Upon entering the car that I'm in (of course, right), one of them proclaims, "I'monna walk on here like I'm the shit and I'monna talk like I'm the shit because I am the shit and you better deal with it."
Umm, OK. First of all, you had to wonder how that made her two little friends feel. I mean, if this self-professed attention whore was the "Shit," what were they, little farts? I mean, in the movies, it wasn't the One Great Musketeers plus 2 fuckers with little swords. The A-Team wasn't one dude that did all the work and 3 other fuckers eating bon-bons. So where did this girl get off proclaiming that she was the "Shit," at the expense of the other two? The other two didn't argue the point, though, I think they have self-esteem issues, or maybe they were paid off. Meanwhile, the three then proceeded to yell and scream about Cam Neely knows what for the rest of the trip. When they left the train at Metro Center, everybody clapped.
And this, THIS LADIES AND GENTLEMEN ... is the future of our country. These are people that in a few years will be voting, driving, the works. You think this country is fucked up now? Wait 10 years. Some country that hasn't even been invented yet, like Karjackhistan, will rise up and invade and there won't be a Cam Neely thing we can do about it, because all the smart people will be too old and brittle to care and the young people will be running around proclaiming themselves to be the "Shit," while Damascus burns.
I hope I'm around to see that actually.
And now a bonus entry! Because we love our reader(s):
5. Old Woman Better Step Off
* You know, look. I'm sure there is a reason why Federal workers have a reputation for being lazy. And just like any other profession, I'm sure there are Federal workers who are lazy. But as I was walking to my afternoon MARC train yesterday at Union Station, I passed by two older women who were trudging along, obviously pissed off at the world and what it had done to them. I mean, not to be brutal, but the ugly stick carried a multi-season winning streak over these two. ... Anyway, one was going on and on about something and as I passed them (which wasn't hard as they were moving slower than me toward a dance floor), I caught wind of what the one was on about.
"All these stupid-ass Federal workers. It doesn't matter what time they come in, they all leave at 4:30. Then they crowd the 5:20 train and make it so some of us can't get home. Bunch of lazy-ass bastards. Then MARC panders to them by adding a new Express training, so we can get all of these little Federal darlings home while the rest of us who actually work are screwed."
I don't think I heard what she said next, as I was somewhat under my breath perhaps maybe somewhat possibly muttering OK I said Fuck you as I walked by. First of all, the number of people that actually get turned away from boarding a train when they are on time to meet it before it leaves is remarkably small. So no one is keeping Ms. Precious from getting on the train. Do you have to stand on occasion? Sure, we all do. Bite the bullet, Francis. But to go on and on and classify an entire group of people as you did, when some of those folks are involved in jobs doing tasks that you wouldn't be caught dead doing ... well, hell, you can fuck off in my book. I do a lot of work every day, and I'm proud of it. Do I put my nose to the grindstone for all 8.5 hours? Hell no. And no one else does, either. Not Feds, not contractors, not anyone. Certainly not Ms. Precious. She probably has a well-paying job sitting in the third floor of some swank office building watching the cars rust. But hey, someone's gotta do that, I guess.
I think it was the whole "Federal Darlings" part of the comment that really pissed me off. Though I am going to add it to my list of fake band names ... right up there with Rolling Midget Army of Nepal.
I don't think Federal Darlings will sell a lot of records, though. After all, we'd all be too lazy to write any songs, wouldn't we? Fucking genius.
Stay safe on the rails, and if you hear or see something stupid - laugh.
Signed,
MDR
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Various Issues
Things have actually been pretty tame on the rails for the last few days. Most of what has gotten on my nerves, I've written about before, but here were a few things that popped into my head tonight that I want to address really quick before I go to sleep (hell, I have to be at the train station in less than 7 hours).
1. I'monna Start a Brawl
* Seriously, like hel-lo. What the hell is up with some of you people? The new thing that's all the rage at both MARC and Metro stations is, if there's a big line of people waiting to get on a train - everyone trying to get on the same train, mind you, the dude at the back starts just pushing his way into everyone else. Not like an arms out, Randy Moss push, mind you, but more like a body lean that ends up right against you and while it doesn't hurt, it's annoying as shit. You would think people would have evolved enough to this point that they would realize that trying to board the train stampede style wouldn't work. But no, most people haven't evolved that much. So, now when people do that to me, they are going to find themselves going the other way, because I'm going to push in the opposite direction until you either do something about it, or you fall off the platform to your death or a serious maiming.
Pick one.
2. MARC Gets it Right
* Big news today out of the MARC home offices in Governor O'Malley's house, as the transportation line announced the addition of three new evening routes in February. One will be a 5:14 p.m. express from Washington north, which is money, as the current 5:20 express often is way, way overcrowded (as it was today, with people, including your hero, standing in the middle of the aisle on the upper level - and lemme just tell ya, when you get to be my size, and the car is going back and forth, to and fro, and the belly gets a little momentum going to one side or the other - yeah, folks are lucky there wasn't a catastrophe today). Anyway, they are also adding an additional line from Baltimore to the South (this is all on the Penn Line by the way), and the Drinking Man's Special - an 11:45 p.m. route leaving Union Station heading north. Can you say 6-hour Happy Hour? No more leaving the bar early just when it's getting good to make sure there is a train home. Come February, it's party time!
You may wonder why I wrote that the MARC home office is in Governor O'Malley's house. I guess, in a sense, MARC is the Governor's own private train set, sans the little ice skating display in the middle and that old Lionel look-out house with the little plastic guy that came out of the door with the lantern every time the Santa Fe engine goes by (digressing? Possibly) ... but anyway, the messages from MARC today read like this ...
Governor Martin O 19Malley today announced he is adding service to the Penn Line. Three new trains will be added to boost capacity during the afternoon rush hour and provide late evening service for the first time. The new service is the first step toward implementing the Governor 19s comprehensive MARC Growth and Investment Plan released earlier this fall.
I don't know the significance of the 19 in the lad's name, and I'll go on record as saying I can't stand the dude. But I guess it's nice that he taxed everyone in the State to oblivion, because now I'll have an easier ride home. I hear this is how government is supposed to work. I wish there were other things he could decree from his house .... like all Metro trains have 16 cars and no one else on them but people I like .... like only meat loaf shall be served at official State functions ... and not only will slot machines be in the state, but I get to have one in my apartment.
None of that other stuff is probably going to happen, and I won't have any money left thanks to the Breathing Tax bill that he signed today - but hey, at least I have more options to get home, and I can even do it drunk if I want.
And just to toot our own train whistle here - did I not tell you that MARC had a plan and were likely to accomplish it? They are getting it done. Meanwhile, Metro trains continue to fall apart like a Rich Kotite-coached football team, with them begging for fare increases to "maintain the current level of service." Which means that you'll pay more to be stuck inside tunnels while the train in front of you can't move because it blowed up. Or there's smoke on the tracks. Or there's a door problem. Or there was a mechanical problem. Or, as it was on Tuesday, someone "made contact" with the train. Hell, did the person at least have good defensive position? Did he draw the charge? Was he wearing a Duke jersey such that he automatically gets the call in that situation? These are the things I wonder about at 12:07 a.m.
3. A MARC Rider Confused Me
* This happened on Monday, and I think it was in the morning, though I'm still trying to get over the idea that we all ride Governor O'Malley's Lionel train set, so maybe my head is foggy. Anywho, I was sitting in an aisle seat trying to find room with a right tackle and left guard sitting in the two seats to the right of me. A dude walked up the aisle toward the exit (I guess it was his stop, but who gets off at Seabrook?), and he was carrying one of those big-ass bags that we have discussed here before. Now - first of all, men should be carrying big-ass bags. We don't need to carry all that much shit to work. But anyway, the moral of the story is, big-ass bag clocked me in the leg as he walked by. Before I could even think to myself, BLOG TARGET!, he topped that off with something very unusual.
He turned around and apologized.
I waved it off as no big deal and all was good. But I don't know where they got the idea to let these reasonable people on the trains now. If this continues, I'm going to have to start blogging about soccer trades or something.
Stay safe, rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
1. I'monna Start a Brawl
* Seriously, like hel-lo. What the hell is up with some of you people? The new thing that's all the rage at both MARC and Metro stations is, if there's a big line of people waiting to get on a train - everyone trying to get on the same train, mind you, the dude at the back starts just pushing his way into everyone else. Not like an arms out, Randy Moss push, mind you, but more like a body lean that ends up right against you and while it doesn't hurt, it's annoying as shit. You would think people would have evolved enough to this point that they would realize that trying to board the train stampede style wouldn't work. But no, most people haven't evolved that much. So, now when people do that to me, they are going to find themselves going the other way, because I'm going to push in the opposite direction until you either do something about it, or you fall off the platform to your death or a serious maiming.
Pick one.
2. MARC Gets it Right
* Big news today out of the MARC home offices in Governor O'Malley's house, as the transportation line announced the addition of three new evening routes in February. One will be a 5:14 p.m. express from Washington north, which is money, as the current 5:20 express often is way, way overcrowded (as it was today, with people, including your hero, standing in the middle of the aisle on the upper level - and lemme just tell ya, when you get to be my size, and the car is going back and forth, to and fro, and the belly gets a little momentum going to one side or the other - yeah, folks are lucky there wasn't a catastrophe today). Anyway, they are also adding an additional line from Baltimore to the South (this is all on the Penn Line by the way), and the Drinking Man's Special - an 11:45 p.m. route leaving Union Station heading north. Can you say 6-hour Happy Hour? No more leaving the bar early just when it's getting good to make sure there is a train home. Come February, it's party time!
You may wonder why I wrote that the MARC home office is in Governor O'Malley's house. I guess, in a sense, MARC is the Governor's own private train set, sans the little ice skating display in the middle and that old Lionel look-out house with the little plastic guy that came out of the door with the lantern every time the Santa Fe engine goes by (digressing? Possibly) ... but anyway, the messages from MARC today read like this ...
Governor Martin O 19Malley today announced he is adding service to the Penn Line. Three new trains will be added to boost capacity during the afternoon rush hour and provide late evening service for the first time. The new service is the first step toward implementing the Governor 19s comprehensive MARC Growth and Investment Plan released earlier this fall.
I don't know the significance of the 19 in the lad's name, and I'll go on record as saying I can't stand the dude. But I guess it's nice that he taxed everyone in the State to oblivion, because now I'll have an easier ride home. I hear this is how government is supposed to work. I wish there were other things he could decree from his house .... like all Metro trains have 16 cars and no one else on them but people I like .... like only meat loaf shall be served at official State functions ... and not only will slot machines be in the state, but I get to have one in my apartment.
None of that other stuff is probably going to happen, and I won't have any money left thanks to the Breathing Tax bill that he signed today - but hey, at least I have more options to get home, and I can even do it drunk if I want.
And just to toot our own train whistle here - did I not tell you that MARC had a plan and were likely to accomplish it? They are getting it done. Meanwhile, Metro trains continue to fall apart like a Rich Kotite-coached football team, with them begging for fare increases to "maintain the current level of service." Which means that you'll pay more to be stuck inside tunnels while the train in front of you can't move because it blowed up. Or there's smoke on the tracks. Or there's a door problem. Or there was a mechanical problem. Or, as it was on Tuesday, someone "made contact" with the train. Hell, did the person at least have good defensive position? Did he draw the charge? Was he wearing a Duke jersey such that he automatically gets the call in that situation? These are the things I wonder about at 12:07 a.m.
3. A MARC Rider Confused Me
* This happened on Monday, and I think it was in the morning, though I'm still trying to get over the idea that we all ride Governor O'Malley's Lionel train set, so maybe my head is foggy. Anywho, I was sitting in an aisle seat trying to find room with a right tackle and left guard sitting in the two seats to the right of me. A dude walked up the aisle toward the exit (I guess it was his stop, but who gets off at Seabrook?), and he was carrying one of those big-ass bags that we have discussed here before. Now - first of all, men should be carrying big-ass bags. We don't need to carry all that much shit to work. But anyway, the moral of the story is, big-ass bag clocked me in the leg as he walked by. Before I could even think to myself, BLOG TARGET!, he topped that off with something very unusual.
He turned around and apologized.
I waved it off as no big deal and all was good. But I don't know where they got the idea to let these reasonable people on the trains now. If this continues, I'm going to have to start blogging about soccer trades or something.
Stay safe, rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
On Tuesday, Voices Carry
A few things to get to so let's go, because it's late and I want to go to sleep ...
1. Kids - They're Stupid
OK ... maybe not all kids. But all the kids on the Metro train I was on this afternoon were stupid, so that's a case study of 6 kids, and 6 out of 6 were stupid. That's even a better percentage than the 4 out of 5 dentists that prefer Trident to your leading gum. I was on the Metro a bit earlier today than usual, and had the good fortune of running into a friend of mine I hadn't seen in several months, so we were trying to talk on the Metro when 6 kids, ages 10-15 boarded. Apparently they were either stupid, poorly educated, or straight up deaf. They proceeded to yell at each other at the back of the train, and every 4th word was a cuss word. Although, as my friend and I figured, that was probably because the cuss words were easier to pronounce. Hell, most of them are four letters, even a bit of education can teach you how to knock those out. About 7 stops later, they left the train, and all was quiet again. Until the next stop, when the loud-mouthed little runts got back on. Well, 5 of them did. I guess they had just hopped cars. But this was enough to thoroughly confuse one of the 6, who proceeded to get on the train as the other 5 had decided they were going to exit again, and we took off with him on it and the other 5 screaming on the platform like they had just seen a zombie carrying tonight's homework assignment.
I'm so never having kids.
2. Faces of Death - MetroBus Driver Style
Do the people who drive Metro buses know how to drive at all? The more I hear about the incidents they are involved in, the more I wonder if they are like that guy that used to be on the opening montage of ABC's Wide World of Sports, who careens down the ski jump and falls ass over tea kettle for several hundred feet. I remember a comic once doing a bit basically asking if that guy could ski at all. I wonder the same about Metrobus drivers. Once a month, we are hearing about accidents they are involved in, and the latest one killed a pedestrian, which sadly isn't a first, either, or a second, or a third, unfortunately. Now, there may be reasons why the driver may not be at fault. I understand that. But on the days when I drive in and I see these Metro buses rolling through red lights, cutting in front of compact cars, and changing lanes for no apparent reason, it's hard to believe the drivers aren't a little bit off their rocker. I once saw a writer try and convince commuting readers that "getting to work and home again is traveling, not Bloodsport." ... Where Metro is involved, I'm no longer so sure that this axiom is true.
3. Metro's New Rail Cars
Hopefully, the same people don't drive the Metro trains, but I think they drive themselves to some extent, so maybe we're all at least a little safer in that mode of public transportation. But anyway, Metro announced today that they have rolled out two new styles of rail cars that will enter a 6-month customer testing period, first on the Green Line, but eventually throughout the system. The cars don't have carpet (vinyl flooring instead), some have bench seating and they have retractable hand rail pull things in the ceiling that you can pull down to your height, and then they go back in place when the person is done. Of course, if the person is really short and needs to pull the thing that far down in the first place, I do wonder how they are actually going to reach it to do that, but anyhow. Of note, in the story I read on this, it said that Metro expects these cars to hold 20 additional passengers than the current setup, lifting the capacity of a car to 200 people. That means that the current cars are supposed to have a capacity of 180. Have you ever been on a Metro train? Look around you next time and figure out exactly how 180 people are going to fit on each car. These new cars better have seats in the ceiling if they are going to hold 200 people.
4. Big Ass Bags from Hell
Look people. I really don't know what you people are bringing back and forth to work every day. And I'm not sure I want to know. But whatever could you possibly need during the day that requires it to be carried on the MARC train in a bag big enough to fit Fat Albert? More and more, I am seeing people trying to walk down the aisles in the train with these big ass bags in toe, bashing them off people who are minding their own business sitting in their seats. I saw one woman get straight up clocked in the face by one of these big ass bags today and the woman carrying the bag just walked on like nothing happened. The bags ought to have to pay for a ticket! Then these same people try and take the bag and stuff it in the little overhead storage compartment and get puzzled looks on their faces when they don't fit, and even if they do, that means that no one else in that row can put anything in that spot (which is half theirs) because the big ass bag woman has to carry her entire life's possessions for a normal workday. I think some of these people are carrying their fucking cars to work. You could fit a small Kia in some of these bags that I've seen. Seriously - bring your lunch, your makeup, maybe an umbrella, and a bottle of water. At most, maybe you have a couple documents from work that you had to review the night before because you are a workaholic with nothing else to do. But you don't need to bring your whole life with you on the train! Because next time you come strolling up the aisle with your big ass bag rolling behind you and I'm sitting in my seat, minding me business, and big ass bag clocks me in the foot like I'm a speed bump or something, big ass bag is getting chucked out the side of the car and if you are still attached ... oops.
But hey - at least when you land and finish your barrel roll from 100 mph down to 0, you'll have all your stuff.
Be careful out there rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
PS: These freecreditreport.com commercials with the guy singing needs to die a quick death.
1. Kids - They're Stupid
OK ... maybe not all kids. But all the kids on the Metro train I was on this afternoon were stupid, so that's a case study of 6 kids, and 6 out of 6 were stupid. That's even a better percentage than the 4 out of 5 dentists that prefer Trident to your leading gum. I was on the Metro a bit earlier today than usual, and had the good fortune of running into a friend of mine I hadn't seen in several months, so we were trying to talk on the Metro when 6 kids, ages 10-15 boarded. Apparently they were either stupid, poorly educated, or straight up deaf. They proceeded to yell at each other at the back of the train, and every 4th word was a cuss word. Although, as my friend and I figured, that was probably because the cuss words were easier to pronounce. Hell, most of them are four letters, even a bit of education can teach you how to knock those out. About 7 stops later, they left the train, and all was quiet again. Until the next stop, when the loud-mouthed little runts got back on. Well, 5 of them did. I guess they had just hopped cars. But this was enough to thoroughly confuse one of the 6, who proceeded to get on the train as the other 5 had decided they were going to exit again, and we took off with him on it and the other 5 screaming on the platform like they had just seen a zombie carrying tonight's homework assignment.
I'm so never having kids.
2. Faces of Death - MetroBus Driver Style
Do the people who drive Metro buses know how to drive at all? The more I hear about the incidents they are involved in, the more I wonder if they are like that guy that used to be on the opening montage of ABC's Wide World of Sports, who careens down the ski jump and falls ass over tea kettle for several hundred feet. I remember a comic once doing a bit basically asking if that guy could ski at all. I wonder the same about Metrobus drivers. Once a month, we are hearing about accidents they are involved in, and the latest one killed a pedestrian, which sadly isn't a first, either, or a second, or a third, unfortunately. Now, there may be reasons why the driver may not be at fault. I understand that. But on the days when I drive in and I see these Metro buses rolling through red lights, cutting in front of compact cars, and changing lanes for no apparent reason, it's hard to believe the drivers aren't a little bit off their rocker. I once saw a writer try and convince commuting readers that "getting to work and home again is traveling, not Bloodsport." ... Where Metro is involved, I'm no longer so sure that this axiom is true.
3. Metro's New Rail Cars
Hopefully, the same people don't drive the Metro trains, but I think they drive themselves to some extent, so maybe we're all at least a little safer in that mode of public transportation. But anyway, Metro announced today that they have rolled out two new styles of rail cars that will enter a 6-month customer testing period, first on the Green Line, but eventually throughout the system. The cars don't have carpet (vinyl flooring instead), some have bench seating and they have retractable hand rail pull things in the ceiling that you can pull down to your height, and then they go back in place when the person is done. Of course, if the person is really short and needs to pull the thing that far down in the first place, I do wonder how they are actually going to reach it to do that, but anyhow. Of note, in the story I read on this, it said that Metro expects these cars to hold 20 additional passengers than the current setup, lifting the capacity of a car to 200 people. That means that the current cars are supposed to have a capacity of 180. Have you ever been on a Metro train? Look around you next time and figure out exactly how 180 people are going to fit on each car. These new cars better have seats in the ceiling if they are going to hold 200 people.
4. Big Ass Bags from Hell
Look people. I really don't know what you people are bringing back and forth to work every day. And I'm not sure I want to know. But whatever could you possibly need during the day that requires it to be carried on the MARC train in a bag big enough to fit Fat Albert? More and more, I am seeing people trying to walk down the aisles in the train with these big ass bags in toe, bashing them off people who are minding their own business sitting in their seats. I saw one woman get straight up clocked in the face by one of these big ass bags today and the woman carrying the bag just walked on like nothing happened. The bags ought to have to pay for a ticket! Then these same people try and take the bag and stuff it in the little overhead storage compartment and get puzzled looks on their faces when they don't fit, and even if they do, that means that no one else in that row can put anything in that spot (which is half theirs) because the big ass bag woman has to carry her entire life's possessions for a normal workday. I think some of these people are carrying their fucking cars to work. You could fit a small Kia in some of these bags that I've seen. Seriously - bring your lunch, your makeup, maybe an umbrella, and a bottle of water. At most, maybe you have a couple documents from work that you had to review the night before because you are a workaholic with nothing else to do. But you don't need to bring your whole life with you on the train! Because next time you come strolling up the aisle with your big ass bag rolling behind you and I'm sitting in my seat, minding me business, and big ass bag clocks me in the foot like I'm a speed bump or something, big ass bag is getting chucked out the side of the car and if you are still attached ... oops.
But hey - at least when you land and finish your barrel roll from 100 mph down to 0, you'll have all your stuff.
Be careful out there rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
PS: These freecreditreport.com commercials with the guy singing needs to die a quick death.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
A Bunch of Stuff ...
A lot of things to hit tonight, so let's roll ...
1. America is Deaf!!!
I have seen, or rather should I say heard, the proof of this. Look, I understand the desire to have music with you when riding public transportation. It's pretty likely that you don't want to listen to the asshole stranger next to you fart or blow his nose or talk about taxes in Quebec, whatever.
However, the effect of this is pretty much canceled out when you, Ms. MARC person or Mr. Metro rider, play your music on your iPod or whatever you have so loud that the rest of the train can hear it. And what the fuck, most of the time, y'all are playing some shit music! The woman next to me on Tuesday morning on the MARC seemed nice enough, but when she played some artist who may as well have gone by the stage name "Whiny ass white dude," well you don't really have to wonder why the rest of us thought you were crazy. I'm sure you are nice. But I worry about your mental state listening to the weird stuff you had playing.
America must be deaf. That must be the only reason why y'all play your music that damn loud.
So, I'monna get you back. I'monna download a bunch of Conway Twitty, then play it at full volume at about 6:40 a.m. on the MARC. It will be enough to drown out your crappy tunes and pretty much annoy everyone.
Revenge is sweet.
2. MARC ... the Yugo of Trains
I really wonder sometimes if the trains used by MARC are really any different than that beat up old Lionel train set your grandpop had when you were a kid that was all set up under the Christmas tree and then is ruined when Uncle Bobby has too much egg nog and does a face plant right in the middle of the display just before dinner.
This week, it seems like every train they have is breaking down. There were 2 or 3 today and thankfully I drove. But the e-mail alerts that the Maryland Transit Administration sends out are comical. They aren't even in English - it's a combo of drunkenese and textese, and they show up in your e-mail account about an hour after what ever incident has occurred and already screwed everything up.
Some day, one of the MARC locomotives is just going to fall apart in 1,074 pieces as it leaves Union Station. ... Just like Grandpop's model display after Hurricane Bobby.
3. Metro Driver from the Good Side of Hell
I have found my favorite Metro driver. On a crowded red line train Tuesday, the dude driving was sick and tired of people's analytical shit apparently. At the various stops, as people tried to crowd into the train, our hero would take the mic and yell: "STAND BACK!!! THIS TRAIN IS FULL! WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!"
And he was right, the next train was only 2 minutes behind. But 2 minutes is too much for most fucking people - God help them if they are delayed two more minutes in getting home to what remains of their crappy lives. No, they'd rather push through a door and then bitch and moan when their bag gets stuck in the door, or they get the train and their bag doesn't, which is awesome. It's no wonder Metro reports so many door problems. The doors are fine (except Jim Morrison, he's dead), it's the people that should be taken out of service. I was glad to see a driver not take any crap from them.
4. We've Outgrown Public Transportation
I'll start this off with a disclaimer. Look, I'm a little bigger than I need to be. I'm not an offensive lineman or nothing, but I look about 4 months along if you catch my drift. And hey, like Peyton Manning says, if you are over the age of 23 and not a football player, you may as well just buy bigger shirts.
But look here - I don't write this to mock our portly mass transit friends. As a country, we have an obesity problem, and it's gonna kill more of us quicker than terrorists or Mist or zombies or the lack of promotion/relegation in MLS.
However, I bring this up because there is a serious problem with public transportation. IT WASN'T MADE FOR BIG PEOPLE! Those that are big and big in the saddle were left out of consideration 30-40 years ago when most of the modes of public transportation were constructed. And hey, I get it. We weren't as fat back then. But now? We loves our McDonald's and our steaks and all that. And hey, I do too. I'm not innocent in this, and I'm not poking fun at anyone. But it's a sad fact of life that we have outgrown our means of public transportation when you have, for example, the single-decker cars on the MARC with the 2-aisle-3 setup of seats. Invariably, when the train is packed, you are going to have a 3-seat set where some unfortunate person (like me on Monday), gets crushed by someone in the middle who, if you put them in a football jersey, would be the whole 3-4 defense. It's not their fault - they gotta sit somewhere. But you are pretty much playing Buffet Roulette when you get on a train now as to whether you will be able to breathe for the next 35 minutes or not. And hey, other people have probably thought that when I sit next to them, so again, I ain't picking on no one. But it's true, and we as a nation ain't gonna get no thinner, so I don't know how you solve the problem.
Be careful, rail warriors.
MDR
PS: OK, actually, now that I think about it ... I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
1. America is Deaf!!!
I have seen, or rather should I say heard, the proof of this. Look, I understand the desire to have music with you when riding public transportation. It's pretty likely that you don't want to listen to the asshole stranger next to you fart or blow his nose or talk about taxes in Quebec, whatever.
However, the effect of this is pretty much canceled out when you, Ms. MARC person or Mr. Metro rider, play your music on your iPod or whatever you have so loud that the rest of the train can hear it. And what the fuck, most of the time, y'all are playing some shit music! The woman next to me on Tuesday morning on the MARC seemed nice enough, but when she played some artist who may as well have gone by the stage name "Whiny ass white dude," well you don't really have to wonder why the rest of us thought you were crazy. I'm sure you are nice. But I worry about your mental state listening to the weird stuff you had playing.
America must be deaf. That must be the only reason why y'all play your music that damn loud.
So, I'monna get you back. I'monna download a bunch of Conway Twitty, then play it at full volume at about 6:40 a.m. on the MARC. It will be enough to drown out your crappy tunes and pretty much annoy everyone.
Revenge is sweet.
2. MARC ... the Yugo of Trains
I really wonder sometimes if the trains used by MARC are really any different than that beat up old Lionel train set your grandpop had when you were a kid that was all set up under the Christmas tree and then is ruined when Uncle Bobby has too much egg nog and does a face plant right in the middle of the display just before dinner.
This week, it seems like every train they have is breaking down. There were 2 or 3 today and thankfully I drove. But the e-mail alerts that the Maryland Transit Administration sends out are comical. They aren't even in English - it's a combo of drunkenese and textese, and they show up in your e-mail account about an hour after what ever incident has occurred and already screwed everything up.
Some day, one of the MARC locomotives is just going to fall apart in 1,074 pieces as it leaves Union Station. ... Just like Grandpop's model display after Hurricane Bobby.
3. Metro Driver from the Good Side of Hell
I have found my favorite Metro driver. On a crowded red line train Tuesday, the dude driving was sick and tired of people's analytical shit apparently. At the various stops, as people tried to crowd into the train, our hero would take the mic and yell: "STAND BACK!!! THIS TRAIN IS FULL! WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE!"
And he was right, the next train was only 2 minutes behind. But 2 minutes is too much for most fucking people - God help them if they are delayed two more minutes in getting home to what remains of their crappy lives. No, they'd rather push through a door and then bitch and moan when their bag gets stuck in the door, or they get the train and their bag doesn't, which is awesome. It's no wonder Metro reports so many door problems. The doors are fine (except Jim Morrison, he's dead), it's the people that should be taken out of service. I was glad to see a driver not take any crap from them.
4. We've Outgrown Public Transportation
I'll start this off with a disclaimer. Look, I'm a little bigger than I need to be. I'm not an offensive lineman or nothing, but I look about 4 months along if you catch my drift. And hey, like Peyton Manning says, if you are over the age of 23 and not a football player, you may as well just buy bigger shirts.
But look here - I don't write this to mock our portly mass transit friends. As a country, we have an obesity problem, and it's gonna kill more of us quicker than terrorists or Mist or zombies or the lack of promotion/relegation in MLS.
However, I bring this up because there is a serious problem with public transportation. IT WASN'T MADE FOR BIG PEOPLE! Those that are big and big in the saddle were left out of consideration 30-40 years ago when most of the modes of public transportation were constructed. And hey, I get it. We weren't as fat back then. But now? We loves our McDonald's and our steaks and all that. And hey, I do too. I'm not innocent in this, and I'm not poking fun at anyone. But it's a sad fact of life that we have outgrown our means of public transportation when you have, for example, the single-decker cars on the MARC with the 2-aisle-3 setup of seats. Invariably, when the train is packed, you are going to have a 3-seat set where some unfortunate person (like me on Monday), gets crushed by someone in the middle who, if you put them in a football jersey, would be the whole 3-4 defense. It's not their fault - they gotta sit somewhere. But you are pretty much playing Buffet Roulette when you get on a train now as to whether you will be able to breathe for the next 35 minutes or not. And hey, other people have probably thought that when I sit next to them, so again, I ain't picking on no one. But it's true, and we as a nation ain't gonna get no thinner, so I don't know how you solve the problem.
Be careful, rail warriors.
MDR
PS: OK, actually, now that I think about it ... I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Time Flies, But People are Still Stupid
OK, so it's been a couple weeks. I was off for a couple days, drove another couple, so I haven't been on the trains and subways of Washington, D.C., and suburban Maryland much lately. But fear not, I got stuff to talk about.
There's lots to get to and lots of people to call out, so instead of letters, we're gonna hit him up with a cascade of bullets ...
Stay safe, rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
There's lots to get to and lots of people to call out, so instead of letters, we're gonna hit him up with a cascade of bullets ...
- Old People are Stupid: Last Thursday, me and some friends (blog readers, as well!) attended the Georgetown-Michigan basketball game at Verizon Center. After the game, I had to catch the Red Line back to work where my car was parked. This meant leaving from the Gallery Place Metro that is underneath the arena. Now, hundreds of other people were trying to do the same thing, so the platform was crowded - mostly with Georgetown students. Now, these are Georgetown students, mind you, so they should be pretty smart. And to their credit, they all handled the situation very well, even if not all of them were sober. However, there were two older gentlemen in different parts of the crowd that must have been late for a big Matlock date. When the train showed up and the doors opened, they began trying to shove their way through the mass of people to get to the train. This left the college kids legitimately wondering, "What the Fuck," and led me to blurt out ... "the more you push me, the slower I'll go. And I'm fat, so I know how to go slow." Perhaps I should work as a comedian on college campuses, because I hit the jackpot with the Georgetown kids with that line. It also didn't hurt I guess that I was wearing a Georgetown hat. The old folks really didn't say anything, but the pushing and shoving stopped. Fucking asshats. People don't get smarter with age, folks, they just find more creative ways to piss the rest of us off.
- Reading is Fundamental: To the book reader on the MARC this morning that decided she had to sit next to me. Look, if you really need the middle seat in those 3-2 seating arrangements MARC has on their single-decker cars - hey, that's fine. I would never take that seat, trying to plunk my fat ass down between two asshole strangers who don't want me there, but hey you want to sit, I get the point. What I didn't need was the point of your elbow in my side for the last 20 miles of my trip to Union Station this morning - being drilled deeper into my side every time you turned the page of your fake little romance novel. Here, let me sum it up for you. The woman doesn't get the guy. The guy goes to jail for banging a Thai prostitute, little Jimmy doesn't really like girls, the puppy runs away, and the pet chimp dies when he gets his hand caught in the coffee maker. There. There's your fucking book. Just as much of a clusterfuck as a Columbus Crew playoff game. So see? You didn't even need to be reading it. I just saved you the time. So tomorrow, you can pick another seat and just sit there, and not try and remove my spleen by turning pages. I really don't think you are licensed for such medical work.
- 4 Calling Birds, 3 French Hens, 2 Diet Pepsis ... : So I missed my 6:43 train this morning, which meant I had to wait until 7:13. I was thirsty and there is a vending machine at the stop I go to in the mornings. For $1, you can get one of those 20-ounce Diet Pepsi bottles. Apparently it's Christmas or whatever holiday bottles of Pepsi celebrate, because when I put in my dollar and hit the button, it gave me two bottles. There's really no joke here, I just thought it was cool. And what the fuck exactly is a French hen?
- The Real Drew Carey Would've Scored: A while back on the way home, it was one of those crowded days on the 5:20 train and with 25 minutes before the first stop, conversations are sure to spark up in some parts of the train. On this day, one of the standing-in-the-aisle people was a dead ringer for Drew Carey. He had the funny head, the glasses, the voice, the works. Oh yeah, he didn't have the sense of humor. See, if you look like Drew Carey, but you are funny like Drew Carey, you are gonna score. Some women will sleep with guys if the guy makes them laugh - even if they aren't great looking. Hell, I know, how else could I possibly get laid? That said, if you look like Drew Carey (or me), and you have no sense of humor at all? Yeah, no soup (so to speak) for you. It was almost painful to watch really, as the Bizarro Carey worked his magic in the aisle on a woman that I guess he knew who was sitting in one of the seats. She tried to exit the conversation more times than me on the Jersey Turnpike looking for a pizza place (few of you are gonna get that joke, but that's OK). Bizarro Carey was the only one on the train who didn't realize that his grand plan wasn't working. The woman got off (exited, not what you are thinking) at BWI, and Bizarro Carey stood there with a weird smile on his face as if to say, "Yeah, I got somewhere. Next week I'll get her number." Sorry, bud, I've been there before. No. No you won't. This isn't the script where the sexy brunette has to talk to you because it's in her contract. This was you striking out more than Mo Vaughn.
- And Another Thing: There was a dude today who I don't think was a MARC regular who was standing in the aisle next to my seat on the 5:20 coming home. He had some big-ass man purse (that's not a euphemism for the size of his ass or anything, I mean he had a big-ass man purse) that was swinging at his side. And it kept flying into my seat's air space. I don't like that shit. But I didn't want to say anything - because let's be honest here people, if I handled every situation with politeness and tact, then there'd be nothing to write about here and I couldn't try and entertain y'all. So what good that do? Anyway, I decided that I would use my arm as sort of a fence to my seat's air space. And every time the dude's man purse started flying toward my space, it would hit my hand and I would push it back, which would cause him to lose his balance while the train was moving 100 mph, and he would have to struggle to keep his feet. The funny part was, I don't think he ever realized what was causing it. A couple minutes later, the man purse would come flying back again, I would push it the other way, dude would go flying. In retrospect, I should have tripped him, too.
Stay safe, rail warriors.
Signed,
MDR
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Oh, and by the way ...
... See now, you heard this shit here first.
Did I not tell you last week that Metro was still having problems with "smoke?" And no one was paying attention. But if you are reading here, you are smart, so you knew.
The 10 Ewoks and the Wookiee at Metro Headquarters will forgive me for not being surprised at all to hear that the Pentagon station was closed today due to a track fire.
Shocking. I know.
I'm telling you - and I don't even post this to be a scare-mongerererererererer, but ... something really bad is on the way for Metro in the near future. There's just too much weird shit going on with door problems and smoke and fire and trains breaking down and whatever else to read the fare cards any other way.
I'm just praying I'm not in the area when it happens.
Course, if I had that kind of luck - this blog wouldn't exist.
Stay safe, rail warriors.
MDR
Did I not tell you last week that Metro was still having problems with "smoke?" And no one was paying attention. But if you are reading here, you are smart, so you knew.
The 10 Ewoks and the Wookiee at Metro Headquarters will forgive me for not being surprised at all to hear that the Pentagon station was closed today due to a track fire.
Shocking. I know.
I'm telling you - and I don't even post this to be a scare-mongerererererererer, but ... something really bad is on the way for Metro in the near future. There's just too much weird shit going on with door problems and smoke and fire and trains breaking down and whatever else to read the fare cards any other way.
I'm just praying I'm not in the area when it happens.
Course, if I had that kind of luck - this blog wouldn't exist.
Stay safe, rail warriors.
MDR
Et tu, Brutus?
So apparently, driving to work isn't any picnic, either.
Yesterday, I had to drive to work (45 miles each way yo) because the monthly MARC/Metro ticket I had ordered hadn't arrived yet. Fine, whatever. I was going out after work anyway, so it was better to have my own transportation.
Unfortunately, the aforementioned ticket didn't show up one more again, so I had to drive to work again today. And it was raining, which means in this area that everyone slows down and goes 12 mph because rain, you see, is radioactive and causes cars going above 12 mph to melt in place, sending their drivers and back-seat passengers to a special 8th circle of Hell that contains nothing but SUVs and burning cups of Starbucks. You may ask what happens to the passengers ... they go to Heaven. No one knows why.
Anyway, I get to work today a bit later than usual, lock my car and notice my right front tire looks odd. Almost as if it had blown a bubble or something. So I took it to the nearby Merchants Tire after work, and was informed that my tire had an impact bubble (kinky). And of course, it needs to be replaced. The reason? Said impact bubble comes about from hitting a pothole. So yes folks, the MARC is overcrowded, the Metro is filled with crazy people on trains that don't go nowhere, and the roads are deadly, if not to the people, than to the tires carrying the people. Seriously, this is insane.
The dude at Merchants said the bubble was a little one (they have pills for that), and that I should be able to get it home. Though it was comforting to hear him say that at some point, the tire is going to explode. Great. In retrospect, I could have had them put the spare on, but the spare tire on my car has a lot of miles on it, so I thought that might have been iffy. So I trudged on home, literally counting off each mile, where I was in relation to the next Merchants (the tires are under warranty, so I'll save some cash anyway), and how close I was to home. Of course, this is the night that folks decide to get crazy with the cheese whiz on 795 and close it with a big wreck, sending everyone on to another road with 14134 traffic lights, and yeah, it took forever to get home.
I skipped Merchants and just went home. I had some dinner, I'm watching hockey, I'm drinking beer, and I ain't going anywhere. I go to Merchants in the morning.
If some other form of transportation doesn't rise up and kill my ass first.
MDR
Yesterday, I had to drive to work (45 miles each way yo) because the monthly MARC/Metro ticket I had ordered hadn't arrived yet. Fine, whatever. I was going out after work anyway, so it was better to have my own transportation.
Unfortunately, the aforementioned ticket didn't show up one more again, so I had to drive to work again today. And it was raining, which means in this area that everyone slows down and goes 12 mph because rain, you see, is radioactive and causes cars going above 12 mph to melt in place, sending their drivers and back-seat passengers to a special 8th circle of Hell that contains nothing but SUVs and burning cups of Starbucks. You may ask what happens to the passengers ... they go to Heaven. No one knows why.
Anyway, I get to work today a bit later than usual, lock my car and notice my right front tire looks odd. Almost as if it had blown a bubble or something. So I took it to the nearby Merchants Tire after work, and was informed that my tire had an impact bubble (kinky). And of course, it needs to be replaced. The reason? Said impact bubble comes about from hitting a pothole. So yes folks, the MARC is overcrowded, the Metro is filled with crazy people on trains that don't go nowhere, and the roads are deadly, if not to the people, than to the tires carrying the people. Seriously, this is insane.
The dude at Merchants said the bubble was a little one (they have pills for that), and that I should be able to get it home. Though it was comforting to hear him say that at some point, the tire is going to explode. Great. In retrospect, I could have had them put the spare on, but the spare tire on my car has a lot of miles on it, so I thought that might have been iffy. So I trudged on home, literally counting off each mile, where I was in relation to the next Merchants (the tires are under warranty, so I'll save some cash anyway), and how close I was to home. Of course, this is the night that folks decide to get crazy with the cheese whiz on 795 and close it with a big wreck, sending everyone on to another road with 14134 traffic lights, and yeah, it took forever to get home.
I skipped Merchants and just went home. I had some dinner, I'm watching hockey, I'm drinking beer, and I ain't going anywhere. I go to Merchants in the morning.
If some other form of transportation doesn't rise up and kill my ass first.
MDR
Monday, November 5, 2007
Sorry for the Delay in Posting ...
... I was stuck in a Metro train.
OK, not literally. I haven't been on a Metro train for 4 days, although at times, it felt like that was going to be the case.
Last week, I had to be on the Metro on Thursday evening and then for work on Friday. I don't really have any stories to tell about people during those times, everyone was pretty well behaved.
But let me 'splain something here.
Metro runs the subway. This is their job. They take the subway cars, they put them on the track, they make them go by whatever means they use to make them go, and they go from stop to stop and that's that.
Yet, Metro can't do that. The system does not work. DOES. NOT. WORK.
On three straight trips on the Metro during Thursday and Friday, I ended up in a Subway car that had to sit and wait because the one in front of it broke down. How is that possible? What are the chances? Think about it! Three in a row! I counted, it cost me 91 minutes of time. 91 fucking minutes, sitting on a Metro train, not moving anywhere, because the Metro trains do not work.
Not to mention the fact, as a friend mentioned recently in a message board discussion about the topic - the system is screwed to start with because when something breaks, there's no where to go around it. And usually, another train has to be taken out of service, with more passengers displaced, so that that train can then push the other broken train out of the way into a track switch, etc. So you basically have two trains (12-16 cars), out of commission.
And this happens every day. It happened to me three trips in a row!!! Seriously, if there is a Vegas oddsmaker reading this, I want the odds on that happening to anyone. They have to be astronomical.
So here I am, back to my blog. Finally safe and sound at home. I may have to take the Metro tomorrow afternoon.
Pray for me.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
OK, not literally. I haven't been on a Metro train for 4 days, although at times, it felt like that was going to be the case.
Last week, I had to be on the Metro on Thursday evening and then for work on Friday. I don't really have any stories to tell about people during those times, everyone was pretty well behaved.
But let me 'splain something here.
Metro runs the subway. This is their job. They take the subway cars, they put them on the track, they make them go by whatever means they use to make them go, and they go from stop to stop and that's that.
Yet, Metro can't do that. The system does not work. DOES. NOT. WORK.
On three straight trips on the Metro during Thursday and Friday, I ended up in a Subway car that had to sit and wait because the one in front of it broke down. How is that possible? What are the chances? Think about it! Three in a row! I counted, it cost me 91 minutes of time. 91 fucking minutes, sitting on a Metro train, not moving anywhere, because the Metro trains do not work.
Not to mention the fact, as a friend mentioned recently in a message board discussion about the topic - the system is screwed to start with because when something breaks, there's no where to go around it. And usually, another train has to be taken out of service, with more passengers displaced, so that that train can then push the other broken train out of the way into a track switch, etc. So you basically have two trains (12-16 cars), out of commission.
And this happens every day. It happened to me three trips in a row!!! Seriously, if there is a Vegas oddsmaker reading this, I want the odds on that happening to anyone. They have to be astronomical.
So here I am, back to my blog. Finally safe and sound at home. I may have to take the Metro tomorrow afternoon.
Pray for me.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
And Now, a Look into the Future ...
So, there wasn't much to write about today in my commute - nobody really went out of their way to appear in lights and become famous, so I want to take tonight's entry to address something else.
That being the plans of MARC for expansion over the next several years. Contrasted to that of Metro.
First, you can read the MARC plan for yourself right here:
http://www.mtamaryland.com/marcsummary2.pdf
The key points are (related to the Penn Line, since that's the one I use) are that within 9 months, they plan to add another mid-day train, another evening train, and weekend service. They are also going to try and find ways to secure more seating since trains are "running at more than capacity in peak times."
Ya think?
Folks, if you've never ridden a MARC train in a peak time/route - meaning the ones early in the morning and the 5:20 train that are Express routes - well I can't say that you are missing out on all the fun (hell, you can read about it here). These trains aren't just overcrowded. They are crammed with every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Sabrina - standing in the aisles, standing in the stairwells, standing 2 deep behind seats in the common areas in the double-decker cars ... it's ridiculous really. And it's what causes all the material that you get to read here - because when you have that many people crammed into that kind of space, you're going to get comedy.
Although, I should say that it's not all funny. There was one dude tonight who faked an attempt at kicking someone else who was standing in/near the stairwell. Yeah, that was smart.
Anyway, the question of course is where the money for this is going to come from. MARC has to work out deals with Amtrak/CSX, etc., because of the track usage and all that. It's also been said in the past that MARC doesn't have the money to purchase new equipment, which would be necessary to add cars to certain trains or add routes - so they stated in their plan that they have to find a quick temporary plan to add infrastructure in terms of trains. There's no certainty over how they are going to do that.
But what I like about the plan I linked to above is they give you a pretty detailed plan of what they are going to do, how they are going to do it, and their goals for when they are going to have it done. It's very ambitious. I'm sure they aren't going to get 100% of it done, but I have faith that we are going to see changes. And let me tell you, the weekend service would be straight cash, homey.
Now, contrast that to the 10 Ewoks and wookiee that run Metro.
As you may be aware if you live in the Washington/Baltimore Gigaplex, Metro is trying to shove fare increases down our throats. They say they need to maintain their level of service for their customers and more money will do that.
Metro's level of service sucks! Outside of the occasional station manager who is helpful - and one was once when I fell ill at a station late one night - the system is a joke right now. Trains during peak times are embarrassingly overcrowded, to the point where people are hostile to each other over finding a simple spot to stand in. And forget guys offering their seats to ladies in a crowded car. I will, but for most, it's gone out the window. And guys ... 95% of the time, the woman isn't going to take the seat. But you're a good guy if you're offer - it's the right thing to do. Trust me on this one.
Anyway ... one of the main sticking points of the fare increases (which in and of themselves aren't horrible) is a $1.15 jump in parking fees - COMBINED with a reduction of thousands of general parking places that are going to be made into reserve spots. So basically, Metro is going to charge you more for less of a chance to park. I guess from a supply and demand standpoint, maybe it makes sense, but it seems more like a slap in the face to me. Not to mention - there's no reason to believe that the fare increase is going to change anything. Nothing's changed before when fares went up.
Case in point ... you may remember a few weeks ago when a series of "smoke" and "fire" incidents broke out on various lines of the Metro system. They never did figure it out. Their story was that a lightning strike hit a substation and that caused all the issues, blah blah blah. The media was all over it, the Metro Ewoks said they would fix it, and all was forgotten.
Do yourself a favor. Go to Metro's web site: www.wmata.com ... and click on "Alerts and Advisories" on the left. Then in the middle, click "Metrorail Service Disruption Report" and click "Yesterday's Service" after that. You can see the disruption reports for whatever day you wish (it usually lags a few days behind, sometimes not). Anyway, go through them. You're going to find two things:
1) As we've mentioned here before, Metro trains suffer an inordinate amount of "door" problems. Knock on wood, I've never experienced one of these door problems - but it's getting to epidemic proportions and given that it keeps happening day after day, multiple times every day, you have to wonder what Metro is doing about it.
2) The smoke problems haven't gone away. Now, they aren't coming along fast and furious like they were for a couple nights there, where they were popping up simultaneously at different lines and stations, but they are still happening. And nobody is checking Metro on it. Not the news media, no one. They haven't fixed the problem. It's only a matter of time before it fires up again on a more serious level (pun intended).
Look, I take Metro every day. I don't want it to be fucked up. And if I had any confidence that the whatevers that run it could fix the problems through an infusion of cash by me paying more to park and ride, I'd live with that. I'm not anti tax or anti fee totally, but if I'm going to be paying more, you better damn sure get the job done and your service better be top notch. There's nothing about Metro that inspires any confidence in me (and probably a lot of other people) that this is going to be the case.
Many folks in Washington are scared that Metro is going to be the target in the next big terrorist attack in this country. I bet it isn't. I bet it's one of these little ongoing, daily issues that's going to crop up and really cause some sort of horrible situation.
And unlike MARC, whose changes I think are worth believing in - I have no confidence that the Ewoks and Wookiee throwing any kind of additional money at things is going to make any difference.
Ride wisely, folks.
And keep your eyes open.
That being the plans of MARC for expansion over the next several years. Contrasted to that of Metro.
First, you can read the MARC plan for yourself right here:
http://www.mtamaryland.com/marcsummary2.pdf
The key points are (related to the Penn Line, since that's the one I use) are that within 9 months, they plan to add another mid-day train, another evening train, and weekend service. They are also going to try and find ways to secure more seating since trains are "running at more than capacity in peak times."
Ya think?
Folks, if you've never ridden a MARC train in a peak time/route - meaning the ones early in the morning and the 5:20 train that are Express routes - well I can't say that you are missing out on all the fun (hell, you can read about it here). These trains aren't just overcrowded. They are crammed with every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Sabrina - standing in the aisles, standing in the stairwells, standing 2 deep behind seats in the common areas in the double-decker cars ... it's ridiculous really. And it's what causes all the material that you get to read here - because when you have that many people crammed into that kind of space, you're going to get comedy.
Although, I should say that it's not all funny. There was one dude tonight who faked an attempt at kicking someone else who was standing in/near the stairwell. Yeah, that was smart.
Anyway, the question of course is where the money for this is going to come from. MARC has to work out deals with Amtrak/CSX, etc., because of the track usage and all that. It's also been said in the past that MARC doesn't have the money to purchase new equipment, which would be necessary to add cars to certain trains or add routes - so they stated in their plan that they have to find a quick temporary plan to add infrastructure in terms of trains. There's no certainty over how they are going to do that.
But what I like about the plan I linked to above is they give you a pretty detailed plan of what they are going to do, how they are going to do it, and their goals for when they are going to have it done. It's very ambitious. I'm sure they aren't going to get 100% of it done, but I have faith that we are going to see changes. And let me tell you, the weekend service would be straight cash, homey.
Now, contrast that to the 10 Ewoks and wookiee that run Metro.
As you may be aware if you live in the Washington/Baltimore Gigaplex, Metro is trying to shove fare increases down our throats. They say they need to maintain their level of service for their customers and more money will do that.
Metro's level of service sucks! Outside of the occasional station manager who is helpful - and one was once when I fell ill at a station late one night - the system is a joke right now. Trains during peak times are embarrassingly overcrowded, to the point where people are hostile to each other over finding a simple spot to stand in. And forget guys offering their seats to ladies in a crowded car. I will, but for most, it's gone out the window. And guys ... 95% of the time, the woman isn't going to take the seat. But you're a good guy if you're offer - it's the right thing to do. Trust me on this one.
Anyway ... one of the main sticking points of the fare increases (which in and of themselves aren't horrible) is a $1.15 jump in parking fees - COMBINED with a reduction of thousands of general parking places that are going to be made into reserve spots. So basically, Metro is going to charge you more for less of a chance to park. I guess from a supply and demand standpoint, maybe it makes sense, but it seems more like a slap in the face to me. Not to mention - there's no reason to believe that the fare increase is going to change anything. Nothing's changed before when fares went up.
Case in point ... you may remember a few weeks ago when a series of "smoke" and "fire" incidents broke out on various lines of the Metro system. They never did figure it out. Their story was that a lightning strike hit a substation and that caused all the issues, blah blah blah. The media was all over it, the Metro Ewoks said they would fix it, and all was forgotten.
Do yourself a favor. Go to Metro's web site: www.wmata.com ... and click on "Alerts and Advisories" on the left. Then in the middle, click "Metrorail Service Disruption Report" and click "Yesterday's Service" after that. You can see the disruption reports for whatever day you wish (it usually lags a few days behind, sometimes not). Anyway, go through them. You're going to find two things:
1) As we've mentioned here before, Metro trains suffer an inordinate amount of "door" problems. Knock on wood, I've never experienced one of these door problems - but it's getting to epidemic proportions and given that it keeps happening day after day, multiple times every day, you have to wonder what Metro is doing about it.
2) The smoke problems haven't gone away. Now, they aren't coming along fast and furious like they were for a couple nights there, where they were popping up simultaneously at different lines and stations, but they are still happening. And nobody is checking Metro on it. Not the news media, no one. They haven't fixed the problem. It's only a matter of time before it fires up again on a more serious level (pun intended).
Look, I take Metro every day. I don't want it to be fucked up. And if I had any confidence that the whatevers that run it could fix the problems through an infusion of cash by me paying more to park and ride, I'd live with that. I'm not anti tax or anti fee totally, but if I'm going to be paying more, you better damn sure get the job done and your service better be top notch. There's nothing about Metro that inspires any confidence in me (and probably a lot of other people) that this is going to be the case.
Many folks in Washington are scared that Metro is going to be the target in the next big terrorist attack in this country. I bet it isn't. I bet it's one of these little ongoing, daily issues that's going to crop up and really cause some sort of horrible situation.
And unlike MARC, whose changes I think are worth believing in - I have no confidence that the Ewoks and Wookiee throwing any kind of additional money at things is going to make any difference.
Ride wisely, folks.
And keep your eyes open.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Never Fear - Freaks are Here
I knew it couldn't last. I knew one day of boredom and responsible travel on the MARC and the Metro wouldn't carry over into another.
So no waiting, let's move forward (because the highlights are better) ...
---
Dear Comedy Troop on the MARC Train,
Not everything I write and intend to be funny is actually funny. But my laughs per at-bat ratio is pretty high. I do the best I can with the material I get. I write what I see, and I don't tell many jokes.
Because, as you proved this morning with your Evening at the Improv performance, sometimes jokes ain't funny, bro. But actually, I need to rewind a bit, because I also should point out that I didn't need to hear your complete dental history in a 2-stop stretch. I mean, I'm sorry for whatever teeth ailments have befallen you, but at 6:40 in the morning - I don't want to hear about periodontal scraping - and judging by the faces the other folks in our part of the train were making as you were talking about this - well, let's just say I'm the voice of the people, buddy. Did you know that Army Woman has Broken Tooth Syndrome? Yeah. Maybe you two can hook up. But remember, she has the bum ankle, so no real freaky stuff.
But then there were jokes. Oh my goodness. First the one about the four husbands who wanted to play golf on Christmas morning. Look, somewhere, in a VFW in Harford County, that joke's probably funny. It really is pretty much the same joke that middle-aged golfers tell their middle-aged golfing buddies while they try and figure out why the vacuum cleaner they got their wives for their 17th anniversary didn't turn out to be such a great idea. And, I mean, let's be real, you could've stopped with that one. But then there was the one about the monsignor and the hole-in-one. The last time I heard silence like that after you delivered the punchline was when Don Zimmer decided to pitch to Will Clark with the bases loaded in the '89 NLCS - and all of Wrigley Field thought to themselves silently - "What the fuck?"
You'll forgive me if I didn't go running to call an agent for you. You won't be getting a series any time soon. Stick with whatever you're good at in life. You don't bring the funny.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
----------
Dear Snot Guy on the Metro,
You know, I waffled on whether to even bring this one up. Because you may be very sick, and I don't want to make fun of that - being sick myself sometimes. But listen ... I'monna dish you the 411 here quick. BLOW YOUR NOSE!!! It's OK. It's OK to blow your nose in public. It's gross sounding for a second, but everyone around you knows you're doing the right thing, and you get a pass.
Here's what not to do. Don't stand in the middle of the train huffing snotmonsters to the back of your head like clockwork every time the train goes by one of those blue emergency phone lights every 800 feet or so. I seriously thought at one point your head was going to explode. Stay home from work! Watch TV! Read! Do something. Take a sick day, bro. But seriously, I'monna get your handkerchief for Christmas - please use it. It's OK to blow your nose in public if you have such an accessory. We'll understand.
If your head explodes in such a confined space, however, well, that's not so easy to clean up.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
--
Dear Prep School Kids on the MARC Train,
I really wanted to put a post up about y'all's performance on the afternoon train today. When you got on board, unable to find seats, and stood near where I was, all wearing khakis and blue sweaters, I thought I had died and my own personal hell was going to be being stuck in the making of New Kids on the Block reunion video. I mean, you really had it all, the clothes, the annoying voice that had to project not only across the entire train, but really all of Howard County - the "we can get away with anything" attitude, and calling your teacher a Metrosexual was quite a jab.
But other than the one dude who kept trying to suck the remainder of his milk shake or whatever it was down his throat for about a minute - I gotta say, you didn't do too much to earn your way here. I don't know whether to be happy or sad that you didn't live up to expectations. I mean, it could have been worse. Much worse.
So good luck on your flight from BWI to Preppyworld. Hopefully the folks on the flight end up being marginally OK with y'all being around (not that I'd sign up for it again, mind you).
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
---
AND FINALLY!!! (busy day)
Dear Dude Dressed up as The Joker on the Metro,
Dude ... what?
I know tomorrow is Halloween - but can I just tell you, you were going for the Joker look - yeah, you missed. Not like Tiger lipping out a 25-foot putt kind of missed ... I mean like Brant Brown dropping that fly ball vs. Milwaukee in the '98 divisional race to cost the Cubs a game kind of missed.
You were downright scary. You should have dressed up as like the bad guy for "Saw 6" or something, and it would have been less scary. There are little kids throughout the Metro system who are going to have nightmares tonight, and I feel for them. Poor kids. I've never seen so many people approach a Metro car only to see someone on it and all turn away. Maybe you're a decent person, I don't know, you probably are. And who doesn't like to dress up for Halloween.
But just give everybody a little bit of a warning next time, OK pal?
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
So no waiting, let's move forward (because the highlights are better) ...
---
Dear Comedy Troop on the MARC Train,
Not everything I write and intend to be funny is actually funny. But my laughs per at-bat ratio is pretty high. I do the best I can with the material I get. I write what I see, and I don't tell many jokes.
Because, as you proved this morning with your Evening at the Improv performance, sometimes jokes ain't funny, bro. But actually, I need to rewind a bit, because I also should point out that I didn't need to hear your complete dental history in a 2-stop stretch. I mean, I'm sorry for whatever teeth ailments have befallen you, but at 6:40 in the morning - I don't want to hear about periodontal scraping - and judging by the faces the other folks in our part of the train were making as you were talking about this - well, let's just say I'm the voice of the people, buddy. Did you know that Army Woman has Broken Tooth Syndrome? Yeah. Maybe you two can hook up. But remember, she has the bum ankle, so no real freaky stuff.
But then there were jokes. Oh my goodness. First the one about the four husbands who wanted to play golf on Christmas morning. Look, somewhere, in a VFW in Harford County, that joke's probably funny. It really is pretty much the same joke that middle-aged golfers tell their middle-aged golfing buddies while they try and figure out why the vacuum cleaner they got their wives for their 17th anniversary didn't turn out to be such a great idea. And, I mean, let's be real, you could've stopped with that one. But then there was the one about the monsignor and the hole-in-one. The last time I heard silence like that after you delivered the punchline was when Don Zimmer decided to pitch to Will Clark with the bases loaded in the '89 NLCS - and all of Wrigley Field thought to themselves silently - "What the fuck?"
You'll forgive me if I didn't go running to call an agent for you. You won't be getting a series any time soon. Stick with whatever you're good at in life. You don't bring the funny.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
----------
Dear Snot Guy on the Metro,
You know, I waffled on whether to even bring this one up. Because you may be very sick, and I don't want to make fun of that - being sick myself sometimes. But listen ... I'monna dish you the 411 here quick. BLOW YOUR NOSE!!! It's OK. It's OK to blow your nose in public. It's gross sounding for a second, but everyone around you knows you're doing the right thing, and you get a pass.
Here's what not to do. Don't stand in the middle of the train huffing snotmonsters to the back of your head like clockwork every time the train goes by one of those blue emergency phone lights every 800 feet or so. I seriously thought at one point your head was going to explode. Stay home from work! Watch TV! Read! Do something. Take a sick day, bro. But seriously, I'monna get your handkerchief for Christmas - please use it. It's OK to blow your nose in public if you have such an accessory. We'll understand.
If your head explodes in such a confined space, however, well, that's not so easy to clean up.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
--
Dear Prep School Kids on the MARC Train,
I really wanted to put a post up about y'all's performance on the afternoon train today. When you got on board, unable to find seats, and stood near where I was, all wearing khakis and blue sweaters, I thought I had died and my own personal hell was going to be being stuck in the making of New Kids on the Block reunion video. I mean, you really had it all, the clothes, the annoying voice that had to project not only across the entire train, but really all of Howard County - the "we can get away with anything" attitude, and calling your teacher a Metrosexual was quite a jab.
But other than the one dude who kept trying to suck the remainder of his milk shake or whatever it was down his throat for about a minute - I gotta say, you didn't do too much to earn your way here. I don't know whether to be happy or sad that you didn't live up to expectations. I mean, it could have been worse. Much worse.
So good luck on your flight from BWI to Preppyworld. Hopefully the folks on the flight end up being marginally OK with y'all being around (not that I'd sign up for it again, mind you).
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
---
AND FINALLY!!! (busy day)
Dear Dude Dressed up as The Joker on the Metro,
Dude ... what?
I know tomorrow is Halloween - but can I just tell you, you were going for the Joker look - yeah, you missed. Not like Tiger lipping out a 25-foot putt kind of missed ... I mean like Brant Brown dropping that fly ball vs. Milwaukee in the '98 divisional race to cost the Cubs a game kind of missed.
You were downright scary. You should have dressed up as like the bad guy for "Saw 6" or something, and it would have been less scary. There are little kids throughout the Metro system who are going to have nightmares tonight, and I feel for them. Poor kids. I've never seen so many people approach a Metro car only to see someone on it and all turn away. Maybe you're a decent person, I don't know, you probably are. And who doesn't like to dress up for Halloween.
But just give everybody a little bit of a warning next time, OK pal?
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Monday, October 29, 2007
A Rare Quiet Day
"So I gotta say, today was a good day," - Ice Cube.
Well, yes and no. I mean, there really isn't anyone to reference today. Although - I think, and I'm not 100% sure, but I think Mr. Annoying Coffee Slurping Man of Genius Guy sat next to me again on the MARC today.
Now, this could of course be disturbing on a number of levels, but I'll choose not to go that route for now. But the dude had the same characteristics - reading the paper, drinking his stupid coffee. But maybe he's read the blog or something, because there was no slurpage of his coffee this time, and he didn't chew the end of the coffee cup, which I think was what annoyed me more than anything else last time.
The morning Metro ride took a bit because there was a disabled train in front of us. For amusement, you should go to the Metro web site (www.wmata.com) and check out the daily service disruption reports that they post. Check out how many trains are taken out of service and/or delayed because of "door problems." This is one the news media need to get going on. I don't really know what the social significance of it is, or even the danger, but there's way too many trains suffering "door problems."
The trip home was unremarkable. Had to stand on the MARC because it was overcrowded, but the scenery was nice.
See how little comedy there is when people act normal? We can't have this.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Well, yes and no. I mean, there really isn't anyone to reference today. Although - I think, and I'm not 100% sure, but I think Mr. Annoying Coffee Slurping Man of Genius Guy sat next to me again on the MARC today.
Now, this could of course be disturbing on a number of levels, but I'll choose not to go that route for now. But the dude had the same characteristics - reading the paper, drinking his stupid coffee. But maybe he's read the blog or something, because there was no slurpage of his coffee this time, and he didn't chew the end of the coffee cup, which I think was what annoyed me more than anything else last time.
The morning Metro ride took a bit because there was a disabled train in front of us. For amusement, you should go to the Metro web site (www.wmata.com) and check out the daily service disruption reports that they post. Check out how many trains are taken out of service and/or delayed because of "door problems." This is one the news media need to get going on. I don't really know what the social significance of it is, or even the danger, but there's way too many trains suffering "door problems."
The trip home was unremarkable. Had to stand on the MARC because it was overcrowded, but the scenery was nice.
See how little comedy there is when people act normal? We can't have this.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Sunday, October 28, 2007
This Dude Done Lost the Plot
Dear Nut Job Mother ********er on the Metro,
Look, we all have problems in life. Lord knows I have my share right now. And sometimes, they are infuriating to no end. But no matter what dude, let me just hang this little piece of 411 on you ... violence isn't the answer!
So you'll understand the rest of the Metro car's concern/amusement/mixed with a little bewilderment when you stood up Friday afternoon and proclaimed that there was a woman getting paid to torment you. Dude, I didn't know you were Marv Albert. But seriously, some of us find a woman to torment us for free, usually unintentionally. But I dare say you perhaps carried it just a bit too far when you then proclaimed in a raised voice that you "should shoot every mother ********er in here," followed by a long pause, then adding, "that works for the FBI."
Now, I don't work for the FBI, so I wasn't particularly concerned that you were going to bust a cap in my ass. Hey, I watched X-Files, too, and I always thought Scully had a hotness about her. But maybe you feel differently. Hey, variety is the spice of life. But you'll forgive me and the other 12 people in the car that all skipped forward a car or two at the next stop. That way you could have your own little private tantrum and nobody would get hurt. I hope.
And maybe you should try a shot of the decaf.
Sorry. Shot. Maybe I should have used a different word. Little joke - don't kill me.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Look, we all have problems in life. Lord knows I have my share right now. And sometimes, they are infuriating to no end. But no matter what dude, let me just hang this little piece of 411 on you ... violence isn't the answer!
So you'll understand the rest of the Metro car's concern/amusement/mixed with a little bewilderment when you stood up Friday afternoon and proclaimed that there was a woman getting paid to torment you. Dude, I didn't know you were Marv Albert. But seriously, some of us find a woman to torment us for free, usually unintentionally. But I dare say you perhaps carried it just a bit too far when you then proclaimed in a raised voice that you "should shoot every mother ********er in here," followed by a long pause, then adding, "that works for the FBI."
Now, I don't work for the FBI, so I wasn't particularly concerned that you were going to bust a cap in my ass. Hey, I watched X-Files, too, and I always thought Scully had a hotness about her. But maybe you feel differently. Hey, variety is the spice of life. But you'll forgive me and the other 12 people in the car that all skipped forward a car or two at the next stop. That way you could have your own little private tantrum and nobody would get hurt. I hope.
And maybe you should try a shot of the decaf.
Sorry. Shot. Maybe I should have used a different word. Little joke - don't kill me.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Too Much Information
Dear Army Woman on the Train,
Hey ... it's great that your daughter is 14 years old, weighs 85 pounds, runs cross country and wants to go as a bowling ball for Halloween. It's also great that your son is 12 years old, hits the ball really hard off the center field wall and wants to be a professional baseball player. It's also great that you stepped in a hole and blew out your ankle, and you have to see your surgeon today. It's also great that you are in to scrapbooking, and I, too, was as surprised as you that the wife of the neighbor of the person sitting next to you on said train was into scrapbooking, but yet you didn't know her name. And here I thought scrapbooking was such a close community. It's also great that the boots you have to wear are really uncomfortable for the aforementioned ankle that you tore all to hell.
But hey, on the train, at 6:30 in the morning, the rest of us on said train probably don't want to hear about it.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Hey ... it's great that your daughter is 14 years old, weighs 85 pounds, runs cross country and wants to go as a bowling ball for Halloween. It's also great that your son is 12 years old, hits the ball really hard off the center field wall and wants to be a professional baseball player. It's also great that you stepped in a hole and blew out your ankle, and you have to see your surgeon today. It's also great that you are in to scrapbooking, and I, too, was as surprised as you that the wife of the neighbor of the person sitting next to you on said train was into scrapbooking, but yet you didn't know her name. And here I thought scrapbooking was such a close community. It's also great that the boots you have to wear are really uncomfortable for the aforementioned ankle that you tore all to hell.
But hey, on the train, at 6:30 in the morning, the rest of us on said train probably don't want to hear about it.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Have a Nice Trip, See You Next Fall
Dear Ms. Thang on the Metro,
Hey, it's great that it appears you keep yourself in pretty good shape for a 40-something. Given that, it defies explanation how you could sit in the middle of a pair of seats and be oblivious to the world around you on a crowded Metro car, when another younger woman using crutches is pretty much all but begging for a seat somewhere. But that's OK, because you must be special. So much so that you have a Secret Service escort that was well-hidden on the train, because it was clear, you are the shit!
You'll pardon me for snickering just the wee littlest of bits when you exited the train, tripped over someone's luggage and fell on your face. Hell, even the young lady on crutches could get around better than you.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Hey, it's great that it appears you keep yourself in pretty good shape for a 40-something. Given that, it defies explanation how you could sit in the middle of a pair of seats and be oblivious to the world around you on a crowded Metro car, when another younger woman using crutches is pretty much all but begging for a seat somewhere. But that's OK, because you must be special. So much so that you have a Secret Service escort that was well-hidden on the train, because it was clear, you are the shit!
You'll pardon me for snickering just the wee littlest of bits when you exited the train, tripped over someone's luggage and fell on your face. Hell, even the young lady on crutches could get around better than you.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
There's Polar Bears in the Mother F#%@% Metro!!!
Dear Washington Area Metro Transit Authority,
This morning was like any other morning. I was in the Union Station stop about 7:10, waiting to get into one of those moving tube things you have that goes underground and carries me to work.
Anyway, here's a thought. The next time you want to play loud big band music in one of your stations, and clear a path so four people dressed as polar bears dragging a wheelbarrow can get off an elevator and out to the street, DON'T DO IT IN MORNING RUSH HOUR!!
I mean, hey, I love polar bears. They're cool looking and they are massive creatures that deserve our respect. But they don't belong in a Metro station at 7:10 in the morning when people are about to be dragged to work against their will by your moving tube things.
And did you really need 8 security people for the 4 people dressed up as polar bears? Seriously - two people per fake bear? Hell, the Bears haven't had that kind of blocking since Gale Sayers retired.
What will be there this afternoon? Sixteen fake chimpanzees dancing to the theme from "Fame?"
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
This morning was like any other morning. I was in the Union Station stop about 7:10, waiting to get into one of those moving tube things you have that goes underground and carries me to work.
Anyway, here's a thought. The next time you want to play loud big band music in one of your stations, and clear a path so four people dressed as polar bears dragging a wheelbarrow can get off an elevator and out to the street, DON'T DO IT IN MORNING RUSH HOUR!!
I mean, hey, I love polar bears. They're cool looking and they are massive creatures that deserve our respect. But they don't belong in a Metro station at 7:10 in the morning when people are about to be dragged to work against their will by your moving tube things.
And did you really need 8 security people for the 4 people dressed up as polar bears? Seriously - two people per fake bear? Hell, the Bears haven't had that kind of blocking since Gale Sayers retired.
What will be there this afternoon? Sixteen fake chimpanzees dancing to the theme from "Fame?"
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Real Men of Genius: Mr. Dressed Up Coffee Slurping Annoying Guy
Dear Dude on the MARC Train,
Hey, everyone wants to have a seat when they get on the train - I can't hate on ya for that. And sure, if you want to take the open seat next to me, that's fine. I'm an accommodating kind of person (though the hot chick that took the next seat down would have been a better option for all involved - but anyhow). So ... I just wanted to write this friendly note to let you know that I thought it was great that you responded to getting said seat by then having about 35 pounds worth of baggage that you couldn't put anywhere, and decided to dump on me, and for the record, I thought the quizzical look you gave when I muttered, "What the ********?," was priceless. But then to top it off, since you just had to have that coffee this morning, you then had to slurp it for the entire 35 minute trip. That's great. Dude, you're like 40. Do you still chew with your mouth open, fart in public, and wipe your nose with your jeans? Oh, but you weren't done. No, sir, then there was the chewing on the edge of the cup itself - as if there wasn't enough coffee in it, so you had to get the residue that had built up from your own backwash! Classic.
I can't wait until you leave this world for the great commuter train in the sky. While your soul is elsewhere, I'll be spreading coffee grounds over the remnants of your hollowed-out skull.
You make it a great day!
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Hey, everyone wants to have a seat when they get on the train - I can't hate on ya for that. And sure, if you want to take the open seat next to me, that's fine. I'm an accommodating kind of person (though the hot chick that took the next seat down would have been a better option for all involved - but anyhow). So ... I just wanted to write this friendly note to let you know that I thought it was great that you responded to getting said seat by then having about 35 pounds worth of baggage that you couldn't put anywhere, and decided to dump on me, and for the record, I thought the quizzical look you gave when I muttered, "What the ********?," was priceless. But then to top it off, since you just had to have that coffee this morning, you then had to slurp it for the entire 35 minute trip. That's great. Dude, you're like 40. Do you still chew with your mouth open, fart in public, and wipe your nose with your jeans? Oh, but you weren't done. No, sir, then there was the chewing on the edge of the cup itself - as if there wasn't enough coffee in it, so you had to get the residue that had built up from your own backwash! Classic.
I can't wait until you leave this world for the great commuter train in the sky. While your soul is elsewhere, I'll be spreading coffee grounds over the remnants of your hollowed-out skull.
You make it a great day!
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
TMI, Part II
Dear Army Woman on the MARC Train,
You must have really liked my sweet letter of yesterday. That's the only reason I can think of why you returned to torture me for a second time today. Oh yeah - Army, torture, you probably don't like those words used in the same sentence. Sorry.
Anyway, I just want to say that it's great that we now all know that you suffer from Broken Tooth Syndrome. I hate when that happens. But hey, there's light at the end of the tunnel, since now we all know that your son's birthday is December 14, you have plenty of time to get your mouth fixed before having all the neighbors over for a Pin the Tail on the Annoyed MARC Rider party. I hope you like the slingshot I plan on getting your son for his birthday. I'm sure it will provide him with hours of fun around the house.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
You must have really liked my sweet letter of yesterday. That's the only reason I can think of why you returned to torture me for a second time today. Oh yeah - Army, torture, you probably don't like those words used in the same sentence. Sorry.
Anyway, I just want to say that it's great that we now all know that you suffer from Broken Tooth Syndrome. I hate when that happens. But hey, there's light at the end of the tunnel, since now we all know that your son's birthday is December 14, you have plenty of time to get your mouth fixed before having all the neighbors over for a Pin the Tail on the Annoyed MARC Rider party. I hope you like the slingshot I plan on getting your son for his birthday. I'm sure it will provide him with hours of fun around the house.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
All Nurses are Fat?
Dear Raw Food Woman on the MARC Train,
As if Quiet Car Dictator wasn't enough, then there's you. Look, I'm not one for long conversations on the Quiet Car. All I want to do is sleep. But admittedly that can be difficult when the car is as packed as it was yesterday. But anyway - it was wonderful that you were so interested in the book the other person to our right was reading. That's cool, whatever. And I didn't mind our short exchange about what I did for a living. Fine. Whatever. In retrospect, I should have told you I was a stuntman for midgets.
But see, here's what I don't like. What I don't like is you then finding out where I work, and proceeding to preach to me about how the folks here don't know what they're doing, don't know what they're talking about and that nurses shouldn't be talking to people about trying to care for their Diabetes, and educating them on this horrible disease - based on your premise that all nurses are fat. ******** you and the raw squid you rode in on. I'm not going to go learn about eating raw food to cure diseases, and I don't care about the unhealthy levels of unhealthyness in my Diet Pepsi - and when I tried to gracefully and politely to exit the conversation by asking, "Hey, how 'bout those Red Sox?," it was rhetorical and I really didn't care to know that you grew up not liking baseball.
Now you'll forgive me, I'm sure, if I step aside for a few moments and flame-broil something for dinner.
And looking back, you probably have some moral objection to midget stuntman, too, so the next time I see you on the train, I'm going to run.
Maybe my favorite Army Woman can kick your ass with her one good ankle.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
As if Quiet Car Dictator wasn't enough, then there's you. Look, I'm not one for long conversations on the Quiet Car. All I want to do is sleep. But admittedly that can be difficult when the car is as packed as it was yesterday. But anyway - it was wonderful that you were so interested in the book the other person to our right was reading. That's cool, whatever. And I didn't mind our short exchange about what I did for a living. Fine. Whatever. In retrospect, I should have told you I was a stuntman for midgets.
But see, here's what I don't like. What I don't like is you then finding out where I work, and proceeding to preach to me about how the folks here don't know what they're doing, don't know what they're talking about and that nurses shouldn't be talking to people about trying to care for their Diabetes, and educating them on this horrible disease - based on your premise that all nurses are fat. ******** you and the raw squid you rode in on. I'm not going to go learn about eating raw food to cure diseases, and I don't care about the unhealthy levels of unhealthyness in my Diet Pepsi - and when I tried to gracefully and politely to exit the conversation by asking, "Hey, how 'bout those Red Sox?," it was rhetorical and I really didn't care to know that you grew up not liking baseball.
Now you'll forgive me, I'm sure, if I step aside for a few moments and flame-broil something for dinner.
And looking back, you probably have some moral objection to midget stuntman, too, so the next time I see you on the train, I'm going to run.
Maybe my favorite Army Woman can kick your ass with her one good ankle.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Taking the Quiet Car a Bit Too Seriously ...
Dear Quiet Car Dictator on the MARC Train,
Yo bro, I can see where you were coming from yesterday afternoon. It had been a long day at work, the 5:20 train was crowded because somehow the geniuses at MARC lost half their equipment for the 4:46 train so people couldn't get on it. And yeah, I know, there's a question there about how you lose train equipment. Maybe it got lost in that famed New Carrollton, Seabrook, Silver Spring Triangle thing. I don't know. But anyway - given that the train was crowded and both you and I were fortunate enough to find seats, it should have come to your attention - quiet car or not - that there would be folks standing in the middle. AND ... this was on the single-level car, where there are no hand rail things in the middle for people to hold on to if they are caught standing.
So let me just say, that when the two nice women that were caught standing in the aisle between our seats becuase they couldn't find one - the right thing to do would have been to at least offer one of them your seat (but lay off the blonde, I saw her first). The proper way to handle the situation was NOT to let me ask them if one of them would have liked to sit down (they politely declined, but that's not the point), then pipe up with "DO YOU KNOW THIS IS THE QUIET CAR?" ... Hey, do you know you're an asshole? (to borrow a famous Eritrean saying). I wish I could have taken a picture of the look the two women gave you. But then, I bet you've seen that look a lot from women, so maybe you didn't need the Polaroid.
You'll forgive me I'm sure for snickering under my breath when Dude next to the two women standing in the aisle, who was chowing down on BBQ, cole slaw and a biscuit from God knows where while the train was moving, reached up above yo head to get his water from out of his bag and dumped food on you. Had you been standing, and the lady been sitting, you could have seen the accident coming, knocked the food away like the Bulls going apeshit on Charles Smith in the playoffs a few years back, and saved the girl from getting food on her blouse - and you would have been a hero not once but twice.
But nope, like the Red Bulls with a 10-point lead, you ********ed it up. Nice going.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Yo bro, I can see where you were coming from yesterday afternoon. It had been a long day at work, the 5:20 train was crowded because somehow the geniuses at MARC lost half their equipment for the 4:46 train so people couldn't get on it. And yeah, I know, there's a question there about how you lose train equipment. Maybe it got lost in that famed New Carrollton, Seabrook, Silver Spring Triangle thing. I don't know. But anyway - given that the train was crowded and both you and I were fortunate enough to find seats, it should have come to your attention - quiet car or not - that there would be folks standing in the middle. AND ... this was on the single-level car, where there are no hand rail things in the middle for people to hold on to if they are caught standing.
So let me just say, that when the two nice women that were caught standing in the aisle between our seats becuase they couldn't find one - the right thing to do would have been to at least offer one of them your seat (but lay off the blonde, I saw her first). The proper way to handle the situation was NOT to let me ask them if one of them would have liked to sit down (they politely declined, but that's not the point), then pipe up with "DO YOU KNOW THIS IS THE QUIET CAR?" ... Hey, do you know you're an asshole? (to borrow a famous Eritrean saying). I wish I could have taken a picture of the look the two women gave you. But then, I bet you've seen that look a lot from women, so maybe you didn't need the Polaroid.
You'll forgive me I'm sure for snickering under my breath when Dude next to the two women standing in the aisle, who was chowing down on BBQ, cole slaw and a biscuit from God knows where while the train was moving, reached up above yo head to get his water from out of his bag and dumped food on you. Had you been standing, and the lady been sitting, you could have seen the accident coming, knocked the food away like the Bulls going apeshit on Charles Smith in the playoffs a few years back, and saved the girl from getting food on her blouse - and you would have been a hero not once but twice.
But nope, like the Red Bulls with a 10-point lead, you ********ed it up. Nice going.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
Grapefruit?
Dear Dude with the Grapefruit on the MARC Train,
OK like, seriously, first of all - the only person I've ever seen eat grapefruit consistently and on purpose was my grandmother. My grandmother is 84, can barely walk and has watched the same soap opera for 37 years. Do you want to end up like that? And yo, let's rap a minute dude. Grapefruit, on the mother ********ing train? Are you kidding? But hey, everyone has to get their protein, or vitamins, or iron, or whatever the ******** you get out of a grapefruit. But straight up, do you need to suck down the grapefruity goodness with every bite? I'd seriously rather listen to the Samoans chew a $2 steak then whatever the hell vile things you were doing to that grapefruit.
So, no, it should come as no surprise that I got up and moved to another car. You, sir, are a sick individual, and someone that I don't think any of our kids should be exposed to. Seriously, what's next? A mango? A tangerine? A pear?
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
OK like, seriously, first of all - the only person I've ever seen eat grapefruit consistently and on purpose was my grandmother. My grandmother is 84, can barely walk and has watched the same soap opera for 37 years. Do you want to end up like that? And yo, let's rap a minute dude. Grapefruit, on the mother ********ing train? Are you kidding? But hey, everyone has to get their protein, or vitamins, or iron, or whatever the ******** you get out of a grapefruit. But straight up, do you need to suck down the grapefruity goodness with every bite? I'd seriously rather listen to the Samoans chew a $2 steak then whatever the hell vile things you were doing to that grapefruit.
So, no, it should come as no surprise that I got up and moved to another car. You, sir, are a sick individual, and someone that I don't think any of our kids should be exposed to. Seriously, what's next? A mango? A tangerine? A pear?
Signed,
Marc D. Rider
The Week That Was ...
... And now, let's take a look at some of the more interesting occurrences from the last week. Yes, just the last week. These will almost always appear in letter form, as if speaking to the subject of the comedy, annoyance, threat, whatever applies. Enjoy as we go through them.
And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?
... And if you've asked that question above, you're probably wondering what this is.
This is the MARC of the Hooligans blog. It's dedicated to one simple person's experiences on the daily commute involving both the MARC line (for those unaware - a commuter train line serving Maryland between Baltimore and Washington) and Washington's Metro rail system. I take this 4 to 5 days a week. And after writing a few things up (mainly for comic purposes) on another site, the idea was born to turn it into a blog.
The events to follow are real with some jokes added. It's amazing what you see if your eyes are open. And before you make an idiot of yourself - remember, someone might be watching.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider.
This is the MARC of the Hooligans blog. It's dedicated to one simple person's experiences on the daily commute involving both the MARC line (for those unaware - a commuter train line serving Maryland between Baltimore and Washington) and Washington's Metro rail system. I take this 4 to 5 days a week. And after writing a few things up (mainly for comic purposes) on another site, the idea was born to turn it into a blog.
The events to follow are real with some jokes added. It's amazing what you see if your eyes are open. And before you make an idiot of yourself - remember, someone might be watching.
Signed,
Marc D. Rider.
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